tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-116769882024-03-07T18:00:21.694-05:00Aliens Have Invaded My BrainThe Aliens in my head are my own voices of right, wrong, and insanity trying to figure me, and possibly you out.AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.comBlogger302125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-90004671949948421022012-11-21T12:51:00.002-05:002012-11-21T12:51:45.251-05:00The Wind<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjflEqHxYyWR0tT9eyKI2NHKXurcO210rmO4Ox_SADDBwn4W77D_18ppuo3qko4oGH55i4jHgryV_7Jm6GSKk11wc1ajRJK5OxRbVUBep_HV5dRfwRQn4JJeGpAqYKsfM9jZUtt/s1600/tumblr_mdsi5o56VY1rkecsko1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjflEqHxYyWR0tT9eyKI2NHKXurcO210rmO4Ox_SADDBwn4W77D_18ppuo3qko4oGH55i4jHgryV_7Jm6GSKk11wc1ajRJK5OxRbVUBep_HV5dRfwRQn4JJeGpAqYKsfM9jZUtt/s320/tumblr_mdsi5o56VY1rkecsko1_500_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Hi..yeah Im still alive. Felt the need to write today!<br />
<br />
This is kind of sappy, but Im playing around with some digital art. Its the loss of someone you love. I thought about it as it is Thanksgiving eve and for many, holidays can be painful. Might play around with the words some more cause I just wrote it in the past few minutes :) I will hate it in 2 hours.<br /><br />I am in the wind,<br />In the rain, the laughter of a child,<br />The butterfly on the windowsill.<br />Beside you on the warm sunset<br />I have not left you<br />Look up,<br />I am in the stars<br />Shining light in the darkest places<br />Reminding you<br />I am still here.<br />When you smell my perfume<br />Or have a memory of me<br />Know it is I who is letting you know<br />I am ok<br />Open the ears of your soul and<br />You can hear me<br />Your mind and you can see me<br />I am in the wind….<br />
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~Almighty Heidi<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-87171020260895743492012-07-30T12:35:00.003-04:002012-07-30T12:36:12.991-04:00Shooting Stars<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I turned my world around for you</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And you for me</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just a fleeting moment of gravity</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
just like every shooting star that goes by</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It shines and sparkles as she flies</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her path is not to end</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But to keep passing </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
why</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eyes hurting to see the traces of light left behind</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Until they are gone</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And my universe</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Darkens</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just as it had been before</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-2651811179315041362012-02-29T13:58:00.004-05:002012-02-29T14:50:22.425-05:00It Just IsHello fellow bloggers. Just a note to say the Almighty Heidi Lives. I look back on my blog from 2010 a dream I had for that new year..it had a lion in it that symbolized courage. I had no idea how much I would need that courage for following year..and year after that.<br /><br />This past week I left my job, my security in these hard economic times. It was a leap of faith that had to be done. I had ate my humble pie for 2 years. I had to go back to waiting on tables and bartending to feed my family.<br /><br />But my soul ached everyday to get out.<br />There was so much negative,<br />I could no longer see the positive around me any longer.<br />I longed to breathe.<br />I might have to eat some more humble pie<br />but at a new job it might just taste better.<br /><br />Did I tell you I am going back to school full time with a heafty loan that I might not ever repay, but a 4.0 gpa?<br /><br />I knew when it turned 2012 I would have a new job by my birthday.<br /><br />Tommorrow is my birthday.<br /><br />So this year, my year...<br />I choose not to live in darkenss of fear<br />but in the light of the unknown<br /><br />I will always hunger for more<br />it is who I am<br />even though I still dont know who I am meant to be yet<br />but I know feel the drive twoards a purpose<br />every single day<br /><br /><br />Though I am sensitive, fragile of heart, and hurt easily<br />in reality I am tough, determined, and strong<br /><br /><br />I think I can,<br />and I have<br />or damn it<br />I will.<br /><br />When my soul screams ENOUGH<br />then it is time<br />to move in another direction<br />because she has never steared me wrong<br /><br />There is no failure<br />just a lesson<br />a stupid lesson that somehow<br />you needed to be reminded<br />of your own humanity<br />and to be sensitive to others<br />because they are only human too<br /><br /><br />get back up and keep moving<br />ther longer you stay down<br />the longer it takes to get back up<br /><br />Dont be afraid of the dark<br />there are no monsters in the closet<br />that you have not already faced<br />Just turn on the damn light of your own soul<br /><br /><br />and know looking back<br />you will say<br />"I would not have changed a thing"<br />because it just is meant to be<br />It just is<br /><br />Almighty Heidi<div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-49120651880682915472011-12-29T16:54:00.003-05:002011-12-29T17:43:30.695-05:00Before The Sun Goes Down<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaqxYuInxWQv1PSUvxmUY3klUR8eJiMceRKowphqmF7rHyiIBsMyvsnVQOaupB6SoGShaFlz9N2iuzq4g8HL6MgrZTTMYJSvQa-vfGfmMI9dAdSPSlq_r3mBEBycVIkUYBU8tm/s1600/walls9.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691682779100518514" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaqxYuInxWQv1PSUvxmUY3klUR8eJiMceRKowphqmF7rHyiIBsMyvsnVQOaupB6SoGShaFlz9N2iuzq4g8HL6MgrZTTMYJSvQa-vfGfmMI9dAdSPSlq_r3mBEBycVIkUYBU8tm/s320/walls9.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div>I have been lost for awhile..not writing, but felt inspired today, by a song, or a poem..whatever you want it to be </div><br /><br /><div>Keeping your heart close to mine</div><br /><div>Love changes everything</div><br /><div>this mess</div><br /><div>Im trying my best</div><br /><div>praying to the angels</div><br /><div>to break down your walls</div><br /><div>forget about our feelings</div><br /><div>Im climbing over them </div><br /><div>Words can never show</div><br /><div>what Im about to do</div><br /><br /><br /><div>Keep your heart close</div><br /><div>love changed everything</div><br /><div>this mess</div><br /><div>trying our best</div><br /><br /><div>Fists against the wall</div><br /><div>breaking it all</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>climbing the brokeness</div><br /><div>tired and bruised</div><br /><div>reaching out for you</div><br /><div>begging to grab on</div><br /><div>before the sun goes down</div><br /><br /><div>love changes everything</div><br /><div>this mess</div><br /><div>trying your best</div><br /><br /><div>stumbling in the dark</div><br /><div>coming to rescue you</div><br /><div>falling down</div><br /><div>now its time</div><br /><div>to know</div><br /><div>the bricks</div><br /><div>were always</div><br /><div>mine</div><br /><br /><div>You keep my heart close<br />love does not change a thing</div><br /><div>its not a mess</div><br /><div>just a test</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>you prayed to the angels</div><br /><div>to break down my walls</div><br /><div>forget about hurt feelings</div><br /><div>your climbing over them </div><br /><br /><div>Words can never show</div><br /><div>what your about to do</div><br /><div>tired and bruised</div><br /><div>you come and rescue me.</div><br /><div><br /><br />~AlmightyHeidi<br /></div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-71096405168530581692011-09-30T21:39:00.004-04:002011-09-30T22:05:55.410-04:00Look At The Stars<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir5pQqgW2OYyduACcTo_nRhyphenhyphen3JiP4H3bbMPcCsCCdoSoon0qkHRH-O5YXQVklIFSWy0OVSuAnKJ94ZhyphenhyphennOJSJv7LDzigry-46X7eHkAFH2ipzmQ81iC2MxxvbX975VQMG9xMIU/s1600/stars8.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5658334208887087730" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir5pQqgW2OYyduACcTo_nRhyphenhyphen3JiP4H3bbMPcCsCCdoSoon0qkHRH-O5YXQVklIFSWy0OVSuAnKJ94ZhyphenhyphennOJSJv7LDzigry-46X7eHkAFH2ipzmQ81iC2MxxvbX975VQMG9xMIU/s320/stars8.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br />My soul aches<br /><br />for things lost<br /><br />for things found<br /><br />It is really bittersweet,<br /><br />the heaviness of today<br /><br />the light of tommorrow,<br /><br />but when the world slows down..<br /><br />I look at the stars<br /><br />Wanting more<br /><br />breathing more<br /><br />feeling more<br /><br />I know it is there<br /><br />all in the ache<br /><br />of needing<br /><br />you.<br /><br /><br />~Almighty Heidi<div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-79150714202082570092011-09-15T16:07:00.004-04:002011-09-15T16:22:52.807-04:00Lust<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNubUZXWHScwFcW8NGJWCeGwNa5CSz-prmussNJc8fAzyBzrj_Seqh0Icog1Syajpv18IcrLz5cLC1AuKAITvdX3Y8v7BIWMYXN0MW_A4hfUoMvcaCkh6z22GCrs6oOfbx_LQm/s1600/lust+3.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5652683266911232834" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNubUZXWHScwFcW8NGJWCeGwNa5CSz-prmussNJc8fAzyBzrj_Seqh0Icog1Syajpv18IcrLz5cLC1AuKAITvdX3Y8v7BIWMYXN0MW_A4hfUoMvcaCkh6z22GCrs6oOfbx_LQm/s320/lust+3.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>Definition: </div><br /><br /><br /><div><br />"Pleasure, delight, wish, intense desire, intense longing, craving, enthusiasm, eagerness."<br /><br />When I was younger, I was taught, that Lust was bad. Why..because the bible told me so. God himself says that is wrong.."Walk by the spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh"</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div>It was almost like to be happy with what you were given..<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> complain or your just ungrateful...so..I always tried real hard to be happy with where I was at.</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>Well who wants to <em>not</em> be gratified?</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>Well…<br />My spirit…</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>not the god of my childhood</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>says… </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br />You are not bad because you want more<br /><br /></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Wishing is magic<br />And magic is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">OK</span> </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br />Especially when it comes true. </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br />Hoping, craving, wanting better for yourself and your family </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br />is part of being human.<br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>When you stop hoping, craving, wanting better,<br /><br />Your spirit dies</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div>So go ahead </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br />Make a wish<br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>Hope for a better future </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br />Delight in today<br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>Desire more, crave more,<br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>and always long…</div><br /><div>for <em>something</em></div><br /><div><em>anything</em></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br />Know when the things that you hope for come true<br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>It is what the real god wanted for you all along. </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div>Almighty Heidi</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-34135816169820141902011-08-11T15:54:00.005-04:002011-08-21T17:51:30.450-04:00Vision<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUtYlySxwLHX-ZjLcuv3nz7VSVeXw_n9Gq_z33h6QOmXdETU6Hyzw20n4kClAULv8I4spyS3kM9re-KWJxtBtMDL-oKMx1vXTm7EaCcyj8-LZoy4tXj989ROjxfghmzfwJw4Eq/s1600/vision.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5639700547217655762" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUtYlySxwLHX-ZjLcuv3nz7VSVeXw_n9Gq_z33h6QOmXdETU6Hyzw20n4kClAULv8I4spyS3kM9re-KWJxtBtMDL-oKMx1vXTm7EaCcyj8-LZoy4tXj989ROjxfghmzfwJw4Eq/s320/vision.jpg" /></a>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>Putting on foot in front of the other</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>the next step </div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>in the timeline of my life</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>Mind blurring with the past </div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>full of misdirection</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>The universe pushing me forth</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>against my will</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>like the birth of a child</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>screaming when she gets her first breath of air</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>in fear of the unknown</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>Forced to put one foot in front of the other</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>pitch black </div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>seeing nothing</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>not knowing </div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>up or down</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>left of right</div>
<br />
<br />my soul
<br />
<br />telling me to follow my heart.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br /><div>~Almighty Heidi</div>
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<br /><div></div>
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<br /><div></div>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-30912809794051880062011-05-23T19:17:00.004-04:002011-05-23T19:28:14.045-04:00The Welcome Mat<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9lNdYXwZFwmtSYrfXq5nDaBwf5h6DVNdBrXWCSdODArqJfjExTV6z9KyH0IdHbIsfOF4d3cnw5VcbnIfmgTZ8uHH2ga-4NlSddyLor7XAUpC3DNE4JNY8FyPjk5hVr38eZlVb/s1600/tumblr_ksbir21afl1qzjor8o1_500_large.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 222px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9lNdYXwZFwmtSYrfXq5nDaBwf5h6DVNdBrXWCSdODArqJfjExTV6z9KyH0IdHbIsfOF4d3cnw5VcbnIfmgTZ8uHH2ga-4NlSddyLor7XAUpC3DNE4JNY8FyPjk5hVr38eZlVb/s320/tumblr_ksbir21afl1qzjor8o1_500_large.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5610056679310960578" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">So much has happened in the last few months, one day I will write about..but for now, here is just a snippit of my day..I just felt like writing..nothing intense, just..whatever..my own mini story of the afternoon. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Im finally moving around some things that have been sitting in awkward places after I moved in March. My father brought over a cooler that is packed with dishes…knick knacks I picked out when my mom abruptly left my dad two years ago after a high school reunion.. I vaguely remember packing them with my dad, as he told me to take anything I wanted. It was<i> “all going in the trash anyways.”</i><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>His house was like the aftermath of a hurricane…evidence of my mom’s hoarding left behind in all the corners of the home. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I’m was not sure if I even want the dishes now, it is a reminder of once was, but my dad…brought it up four flights of stairs one Saturday, after keeping them at his house for the past two years…this was a total act of love…It is 52 steps up…<b>FIFTY TWO</b>….this is love, I<i> must keep them.</i><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The cooler was my grandparents..the only thing I have of theirs that belongs to me, because it was left behind one year and never given back I suppose. The “Coleman 64” <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I remember years ago,my grandmother coming over with it filled with ham and goodies for the holidays…when she passed away, the family get together..seemed to stop..or at least they never were as they once were. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">We did not know she was such a driving force in the family’s happiness. She was the glue. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><b>Change, death, loss, they all seem to come into your life and disrupt the pattern that was comfortable, that felt..normal. It comes at once and leaves you in the aftermath of how to continue forward, because forward..is now forever changed, different….un glued.</b></i><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So… now all the awkward places are cleaned up.To me cleaning is therapy..putting things back where they belong, making the dirty clean, folding, scrubbing, organizing..it is the only peace that is left in the almighty’s world. Trying to glue my life..finding the controllable..knowing where everything is…and…well honestly..to not have anything left behind in the corners of my home..hmmmm.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It is a bit sick as I find it odd that I took a mop to my front porch today…who does that…?!<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">While…mopping….the front porch,(who does that) ... <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"></span>I contemplated getting a welcome mat.</p><p class="MsoNormal">...but laughed at myself in the store thinking it should really say <i>“Crazy lives here”</i>..yeah that’s more like it. ..or..<i>”You climbed 52 stairs to get here are you out of your mind?”</i> Even my dog sounds like he needs an asthma inhaler and oxygen mask no when he comes up.<o:p></o:p></p> <br /> <p class="MsoNormal">I don’t know what I was thinking when I moved..actually I do, the rent was fifty dollars less a month..which is a lot to me who has not seen child support in two years….but I would now officially sell my body, just so that I could live on the first floor . </p><p class="MsoNormal">Especially on shopping day.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">That’s all I got for now <span style="font-family:Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings"><span style="mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family:Wingdings">J</span></span><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Peace,<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The Almighty Heidi<o:p></o:p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-13490504892601182592011-05-03T23:58:00.009-04:002011-05-04T01:05:45.139-04:00I am Mom<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC5LSENmHdY9qAsJtEO9jlN1vrH7bgNar1LV5XTdIw7Cl2xxo_dqal6A1bvmeS0ngtGC8fj2JFVvq7qu9I5KSTPGTSSGmU3MCFJr0raErL5GQf1lGW7J0URI4lXKjY13H2lj5c/s1600/mom3.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 167px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602712342333268354" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC5LSENmHdY9qAsJtEO9jlN1vrH7bgNar1LV5XTdIw7Cl2xxo_dqal6A1bvmeS0ngtGC8fj2JFVvq7qu9I5KSTPGTSSGmU3MCFJr0raErL5GQf1lGW7J0URI4lXKjY13H2lj5c/s200/mom3.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br />I loved you before I even knew you.<br />I rubbed my belly<br />wondering who you were. </div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>I was there waiting.<br /><br />I know your dad has disappeared<br />in the times where you really needed him. </div><br /><br /><div>Your innocence,</div><br /><br /><div>trust,</div><br /><br /><div>and dissapointment..<br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>but I will show up.<br /><br />I will make sure you don't live without.<br />You will have a roof over your head<br />food, and clothes on your back</div><br /><div>to keep you safe</div><br /><br /><br /><div>I might work alot,</div><br /><br /><div>but I will always show up when you need me. </div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div>I will be there to hold your hand when your first love breaks your heart<br />with a gallon of ice cream and tissues and tenderness.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><br />When you are hurt I will find a band aid<br />and when there is not one big enough for the ache you feel inside,</div><br /><div>even though you want to put up walls of armor,</div><br /><div>to protect,</div><br /><div>from all the monsters...</div><br /><div>not behind the closet but </div><br /><div>from within yourself</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>the voices of doubt</div><br /><div>that replays itself</div><br /><div>over and over in your mind,</div><br /><div>makng you feel like less than</div><br /><div>but I know you are more.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>the world is not right</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>and everything seems so wrong...</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div>I will show up<br />to help you through.</div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>If you mess up along the way,<br />life hands you things that you can't be ready for </div><br /><br /><br /><div>I will be there. </div><br /><br /><br /><div>When you take a wrong turn<br />I will show you how tough love can be,<br /><br />and wait for you, </div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div>though it hurts to my core<br /><br />to come back,<br />and when you are ready,<br /><br /></div><br /><div>I will be right here.. </div><br /><div>because I am your Mom.<br /><br /><br />Although it has not always been good and perfect,<br />I am waiting for you<br />to find out who you really are,<br />knowing that<br /><br />I loved you before I knew you.<br /></div><br /><br /><div>~Almighty Heidi Momma </div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-10316453125185909072011-04-12T22:55:00.006-04:002011-04-12T23:53:29.376-04:00And On The Seventh Day...<div align="left"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRGLmE6VNXTzZb_tXx8mo5exsoYJ8cQL0LP26gf0rTwDg0w_DHJiwiiBi9_BhgNCH5oGa_nBDbkPlfEH0O6DCKSf0YMoWaiD9xgH5dOkruCN0Gy5OEAIwbaX2P2qicHQa2UP9Q/s1600/seven3.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 167px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594905708557153538" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRGLmE6VNXTzZb_tXx8mo5exsoYJ8cQL0LP26gf0rTwDg0w_DHJiwiiBi9_BhgNCH5oGa_nBDbkPlfEH0O6DCKSf0YMoWaiD9xgH5dOkruCN0Gy5OEAIwbaX2P2qicHQa2UP9Q/s200/seven3.jpg" /></a> <br /><br />"Mom, please get me out of here, please take me home" <br />" I can't love, you are not ready yet" <br /><br />and we cry <br /><br />It's been seven days since I took my son to inpatient rehab.<br /><br /> <em>Every fiber of my being </em>wanted to pack my son up and take him home.<br /><br /> Im really really starting hate the universe. I hate having to have had being a single mom. <br />I hate the weight of the world which is a two ton boulder. <br />I hate having to work nights just to keep a roof over our head and to have my sons be alone at night, without he watchful eye of mom. <br /><br />I hate hearing about other parents honor school kids, and that they went to the beach, and soon they are going to Disney World. <br /><br />It makes me want to vomit. <br /><br />I hate that I have had one vacation with them ever..because I always have to work. <br /><br />I hate not being able to pack my son up, and take him home, and have the world be ok for all of us. <br /><br />I hate that I have had three back surgeries, and lost so much time when my kids were smaller. I hate that my daughter was in an accident and still has pain, and I hate that my other son has so much anxiety it is hard for him to leave the house.<br /><br /> I hate that their dad just dissappeared and does not even know that mike is in rehab, and Mike would like to see him but I dont even have a phone number to call him at. <br /><br />I hate feeling that I was enough <br />I hate all of it. <em>Every stinking bit. </em><br /><br />I want to throw the covers over my head and cry, but it is all still there..every stinking bit. <br /><br />So I ask the universe, to get me out of this <br /><br />and she replies "I cant love, your not ready yet" <br /><br />and I cry. <br /><br />~Almighty Heidi </div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-27691276882811320752011-03-31T20:36:00.007-04:002011-03-31T22:47:15.096-04:00The Storm<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG2qcDB0C6okved3grS-lAxzyeYP0fU2Y6g-v628yikYQmRYIegAQOetSl4SYS0-5sAa5FSUj7NesibwmFB01eXGZwvAAsyN4qwoVR6pXNHFEUBQTV-2qJmi-nefxMtZ_agyRQ/s1600/storm4.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 167px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG2qcDB0C6okved3grS-lAxzyeYP0fU2Y6g-v628yikYQmRYIegAQOetSl4SYS0-5sAa5FSUj7NesibwmFB01eXGZwvAAsyN4qwoVR6pXNHFEUBQTV-2qJmi-nefxMtZ_agyRQ/s200/storm4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5590428326667257122" /></a><br /><br /><br />The midnight quiet darkness is broken <br />dangerous lightning <br />ghostly wind <br />the trees sound like ocean waves outside my window <br />limbs bending forcefully back and forth <br />angry explosions of thunder make me curl up into my blanket <br />I start to hear the heartbeat of the rain on my window<br /> and feal not fear, <br />but peace <br />~Almighty Heidi <br /><br /><br />My place, my truth, myself, I feel so safe and warm, and right. <br /><br />But all around me there is a storm that has been brewing. <br />My youngest son Michael will be going away for inpatient drug rehab. <br />He was caught up in his own storm. <br /><br /><br />We were all having our own crisis.. <br />and he was the left behind lost boy <br />trying to find his way <br />his sister having alot of surgeries, <br />his brother having a mental breakdown <br />his dad..disappearing <br />his mom finding her own way <br />He found comfort solace in all the wrong things. <br /><br /><br />Our family is broken <br />the storm rages <br />my mothers soul is being forcefully bent <br />afraid of the dangerous lightning <br />I hang on to the heartbeat of this new rain <br />trying to understand it and <br />make peace for what is and what is to come.<br />Finding grace in grief.<br /><br /> ~Almighty Heidi<div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-20597148722512102842011-03-15T18:28:00.003-04:002011-03-15T19:04:59.957-04:00Following The Trail Of Honey<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR5IEiDCPI66G-TqtQE7ZiTKZkh687sGash2Ihzv2OmfPIXOB7ad-_lbEqtlz-9h42-MbWietf0GMDLxTtcNyZJ-PUMj6GenlNm54Pl0qFykOXnI0lOOa6Ch6NrQl8C0l0-Hd9/s1600/honey3.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 167px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5584442341171120722" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR5IEiDCPI66G-TqtQE7ZiTKZkh687sGash2Ihzv2OmfPIXOB7ad-_lbEqtlz-9h42-MbWietf0GMDLxTtcNyZJ-PUMj6GenlNm54Pl0qFykOXnI0lOOa6Ch6NrQl8C0l0-Hd9/s200/honey3.jpg" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.<br />"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way."”<br /><br /><br />There is a place my soul has been seeking, the land of milk and honey..I have allowed myself to follow the trail of the honey to find myself..<br /></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I am happy<br />I am secure</div><div> </div><div><br />though the world around me is spinning out of control,<br />a son that I have to seek support for,<br /></div><div>another son I have to get a bunch of medical tests on, </div><div><br />a daughter who is in chronic pain,<br /></div><div>my brother in Japan, him and his family praying against nuclear meltdown...<br />I should be a complete mess...</div><div><br /><br />but instead..<br /><br />I am just...complete.<br /><br />Such a strange alien place where the trail of honey has led me... </div><div> </div><div><br />In the darkend places there is light.. </div><div><br />and the light is all I see.<br /><br /></div><div> </div><div>I have so much to share... </div><div>about the places that happened along the way</div><div> </div><div><br /><br />~Almighty Heidi<br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-42265428163667760552011-03-09T00:24:00.003-05:002011-03-09T01:11:53.705-05:00Finding Center<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5xtNJA2N5LnjWVOZMLLiovYWOwzwOTsv9fuZIXOhp4NHRRGrRZoh95MBe_wiDBxbb5CrQlN1YOvxZ53Y02EcvAHSW8h8R10g8VeyGOmU88OXtS4oG6hn1sSvWA5XQfC68pF82/s1600/center4.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 167px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5581953798001964290" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5xtNJA2N5LnjWVOZMLLiovYWOwzwOTsv9fuZIXOhp4NHRRGrRZoh95MBe_wiDBxbb5CrQlN1YOvxZ53Y02EcvAHSW8h8R10g8VeyGOmU88OXtS4oG6hn1sSvWA5XQfC68pF82/s200/center4.jpg" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I moved this past week<br />on my birthday<br /><br />it was a re-birthday<br />Something I wanted to do, I needed to do<br />things have changed so much.<br />in a good..butterfly kinda way.<br /><br />My new place is...zen. Warm..comforting..happy.<br />My favorite part is unpacking, and decorating.<br />I have an uncanny way of putting pictures up at the perfect height and perfectly centered, and the thought hit me..<br /><br />The past year has been the most painful, suffocating, exhausting....<br /><br />It has had me face my own self,and I listened to her...<br />I really listened to my own soul....<br /><br /><br />I have found my center<br />What a great re-birthay present<br /><br />it is zen<br />warm<br />comfort<br />happy...and Im holding onto that<br /><br />because..<br /><br />Life is difficult<br />Teens with issues,<br />bills to pay...<br />Single mommy hood with alot of hours at work<br />and not enough at home..<br /><br />But finding my own center<br /><em>of peace</em></div><div>maybe everything else might just fall into place a bit easier<br /><br /><br /><br />It is time for my re-birthday. I will celebrate it every day<br />Come with me</div><div><br />Live OUT LOUD</div><div><br />this is the life I have<br />and am ready to fly,<br />ready to live. </div><div>I am free<br /><br />Almighty Heidi<br /><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-41442950329081183152011-02-21T03:41:00.001-05:002011-02-21T03:42:30.416-05:00P!nk - F**kin' Perfect<iframe height="295" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ocDlOD1Hw9k?fs=1" frameborder="0" width="480" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><br /><br />This says it all...great video :)<br /><br />Almighty Heidi<div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-57457540887956504582011-02-16T11:06:00.003-05:002011-02-16T11:27:24.525-05:00It's been a long timeMy soul aches to write, because so much has happened, but there is no time. And there are no real words yet. I guess I tend to clam up..stop talking about it..but it is all brewing on the inside..a quiet storm ...and Im starting to hear the rumbles.<br /><br />I had to end a relationship.<br />My 19 year old daughter is moving to the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Midwest</span>, hoping she can get some better medical care being with her grandmother, since I cannot provide it.<br /><br />I now have a full time <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">bartending</span> shift that will pay the bills but the hours keep me away from my sons at odd hours.<br /><br />On top of personal drama..some of the hardest changes, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">decisions</span> I have ever made as an adult, and getting the flu that wont go away.<br /><br />Did I mention <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> also moving on my birthday?<br /><br />Sooner or later things will settle.<br />Then I will be back<br />There is alot to write..<br /><br />~Almighty Heidi<div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-51285767105567681312011-02-01T23:46:00.003-05:002011-02-01T23:52:44.532-05:00Courage<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHU8Z-1UV90lcsyiPLcHvp_iPQPI49qVlySb-M7xKeyeCiVgWlSEL0C85KBPZJW9ukNsXF_h0kvXDqn3oI5p_rUymGaa3sKIURrcsT0gLZ4XROIOwnbqlmmAw8jCTcWMp2NBq/s1600/lion2.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 167px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5568949846811326226" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHU8Z-1UV90lcsyiPLcHvp_iPQPI49qVlySb-M7xKeyeCiVgWlSEL0C85KBPZJW9ukNsXF_h0kvXDqn3oI5p_rUymGaa3sKIURrcsT0gLZ4XROIOwnbqlmmAw8jCTcWMp2NBq/s200/lion2.jpg" /></a><br />Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty<br /><br />A Lion is always connected to Courage…<br /><br /><br /><br />My post 1/4/2010..is about that..<br /><br />I have faced the lion now…it is beautiful..my own truth..but I did not know it till now..but my soul knew…and it is holy ground..I am the Lion...<br /><br />Facing my own self...having the courage...<br /><br />Here is the post:<br />1/04/2010<br /><br />Dreaming...<br /><br /><br /><br />What an uber cool way to bring in 2010.<br />New Years eve night I had the most vivid beautiful dream.<br /><br />I was in Colorado, visiting my grandmother, then I decide to travel to this familiar place. I had seen it in many dreams before over the years. It was mountain that was flat at the top. I would hike there, then rest.<br /><br />This time the dream continued on.<br />I was winding through the mountain roads.<br /><br />The road I was on was actually cut through the mountain so on my left and right were towers of beautiful rock. It was spring, and life was..just..everywhere.<br /><br />To my right were these huge white flowers the size of magnolia blossoms..tons of them winding up and down. I stopped and drank from the stream and the water was cool and so pure.<br /><br />Then I was inside the mountian and there were etchings all allong the wall.<br />Ancient carvings..beautiful art.<br />Then I remember standing in front of the most magnificant one.<br />The etching was over 5 feet tall. It was of just a lions head, mane flowing.<br />The expression was relaxed, but confident, it's eyes were intuitive and peaceful.<br /><br />I reached across and touched the stone, I almost did not want to..it was ..like ..holy ground...<br /><br />I let my hands glide over the creature, the beautiful Lion...<br /><br />Then I woke up in 2010.<div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-10905983736318968752011-01-04T23:53:00.004-05:002011-01-05T00:17:53.055-05:00The After Thought<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRkhfHCt-RZMrJ09IUnYDNvP92AsJyB8OePlkAQmtsKoTC8qaPlthrLK9Brj2mePB2FyAg5eGPpTW_7KJKXwCzus2JXq-_MaDrct-zsf7Xbk_BYERARbYMVYwV2GXLcvak02Ih/s1600/the+key.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 167px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558561232663452786" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRkhfHCt-RZMrJ09IUnYDNvP92AsJyB8OePlkAQmtsKoTC8qaPlthrLK9Brj2mePB2FyAg5eGPpTW_7KJKXwCzus2JXq-_MaDrct-zsf7Xbk_BYERARbYMVYwV2GXLcvak02Ih/s200/the+key.jpg" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div><em>The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~Anaïs Nin</em><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div><div>I hold the key<br /><br />To my own prison<br /><br />To unlock it<br /><br />Is to open up a vein<br /><br /><br />Vulnerable bleeding<br /><br /><br />Where invisible words<br /><br />Become visible<br /><br /><br />My thoughts </div><div>are truth<br /><br />Dark is light<br />Cold is warmth<br />Sad is hopeful<br /><br />and the world as I knew it<br />becomes an after thought<br /><br />but<br />looking down<br /><br />I'm still holding the key..<br /><br />..and give it to you.<br /><br /><br /><br />~Almighty Heidi </div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-36446333960108868622010-12-07T23:21:00.004-05:002010-12-07T23:56:05.838-05:00What Happens Next<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDa6umRzzLMGqgrPzhCUuO-MslLTFFY8bO8Rc3khx-IHW0LTyKGnbaZP0nNL9Elm8TbuhIv0Y1H1apWBuntH4YmAYcikMYTloovf1q9xYR7mj6whC4fk8VWGecR8HTVVjukSsY/s1600/love+life.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 167px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548163758117396354" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDa6umRzzLMGqgrPzhCUuO-MslLTFFY8bO8Rc3khx-IHW0LTyKGnbaZP0nNL9Elm8TbuhIv0Y1H1apWBuntH4YmAYcikMYTloovf1q9xYR7mj6whC4fk8VWGecR8HTVVjukSsY/s200/love+life.jpg" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>What happens</div><br /><div>when the life</div><br /><div>that you love</div><br /><div>does not love you back?</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Today I read</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Each experience in your life was <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">absolutely</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">necessary</span></div><br /><div>in order to have gotten you</div><br /><div>to the next place</div><br /><div>and the next, up <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">until</span> this very moment"</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>just for today..</div><br /><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> tired of the life lessons</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Seriously</div><div>I would like a vacation from lessons please.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> just wanting to buy my kids <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Christmas</span> presents..</div><br /><div>maybe for Kayla to have a pain free day</div><br /><div>a second job..so I can take care of the kids..my dad...</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I just want to live life and love it</div><br /><div>without <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">worrying</span> about it every moment</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>and maybe</div><br /><div>just for once</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>have life love me back</div><br /><div>cause <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> trying over here..</div><div></div><div>I am</div><div></div><div>so..</div><div></div><div>love me back.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>~Almighty Heidi</div><br /><div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-90458176092338813172010-12-03T00:17:00.005-05:002010-12-03T11:50:17.686-05:00Faith<img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 292px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 235px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5546326614272501042" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2847TmA8AOdH9kEs0pCLPnQhtfuowctHhXr_sk9z-Atmi2ZJCilHkdFWcssz3-cZC-rS6uFT01YBWdjYt15j3Gy-nXlqfhCWdj-jv8mbVTOXdmaWeERHQQl3oSKgJ1T4aQNxC/s200/FAITH4.jpg" /><br /><div>Where has my faith gone?<br /><br />The faith<br /><br />Of the things unseen<br /><br />Unheard<br /><br />Hope...<br /><br />Felt to my core<br /><br />Deep down.</div><div></div><div></div><div><br /><br />My soul<br /><br />listening,<br /><br />she begs<br /><br />"Don’t stop<br />Never stop wanting<br />Needing<br />Yearning<br />Longing"<br /><br /><br /><br />My mind steps in<br /><br />Reminding me<br /><br />That maybe it is <em>easier to just settle<br /></em>It's just over, it is what it is.<br /><br /><br />Lying down at the place of quitting,<br />or<br />Giving up.. </div><div><br /> I don't want to</div><div>but I can't raise my head.<br /><br /></div><div><br />So today <em>I need you</em>..<br /><br /><em>Borrowing your light for awhile<br /><br />Your faith<br /></em><br /><em>Your energy<br /><br /></em>Because <em>im so tired<br /></em><br />I have fought for so long.<br /><br />And I listen to the voice again that says<br /><br />"Don’t stop.<br />Never stop<br />Never stop wanting<br />Needing<br />Yearning<br />Longing"<br /><br />So I can get back up<br /><br />and I know </div><div>as long as I am still breathing<br /><br />Its not over yet.<br /><br /><br />~Almighty Heidi </div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-5129065804034421872010-11-26T22:51:00.003-05:002010-11-26T23:10:15.419-05:00She Whispers To Me
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii96F4JZYSDeScoaF7G3hcOmjS7YsTdTnHBYrqJqPU5oacr13YTsTy8L5u_KRo8ryYWqPuNIlYh4x9J8p2mr-pPCdJKDamzJNJOXcPyua31_GS_H7HyUqjYjvA6V2l4Sq7gekQ/s1600/rope2.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 167px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5544075820825246914" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii96F4JZYSDeScoaF7G3hcOmjS7YsTdTnHBYrqJqPU5oacr13YTsTy8L5u_KRo8ryYWqPuNIlYh4x9J8p2mr-pPCdJKDamzJNJOXcPyua31_GS_H7HyUqjYjvA6V2l4Sq7gekQ/s200/rope2.jpg" /></a>
<br /><div></div>
<br /><div></div>
<br /><div></div><div>Always with her hands out </div>
<br /><div>
<br /><em>reaching </em></div>
<br /><div>
<br />The invisible rope to more </div>
<br /><div></div>
<br /><div>
<br />Begging to touch it </div><div>
<br />Always out of grasp.
<br /></div><div></div><div>
<br />She whispers to me </div>
<br /><div>
<br />"Let go"</div>
<br /><div>
<br />"Just….let…go.. " </div><div></div><div>
<br />
<br />I’ve been holding on for so long </div>
<br /><div>
<br />I forgotten how..
<br />
<br />How to unclench my hands.</div>
<br /><div>
<br />Have you forgotten </div>
<br /><div>the now, the today ?</div><div></div><div>
<br />When you are trying to touch
<br />if you are reaching what is out of your grasp…. </div><div></div>
<br /><div>
<br />Maybe </div>
<br /><div>
<br />just maybe</div>
<br /><div>
<br />if you let go </div>
<br /><div>
<br />maybe… </div>
<br /><div>
<br /><em>It</em> will come to <em>You. </em></div>
<br /><div>
<br /><em>Let go. </em></div><em></em>
<br /><p><em></em></p><p><em></p></em>
<br />
<br />~Almighty Heidi
<br /></em>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-14011259022028288452010-11-15T17:11:00.008-05:002010-11-15T18:45:49.833-05:00Everything you want..also wants you<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy3lYJEEPy_Ac0LaNlrWI70PsDxvXUTIYJRG2hWNwRvm3QC2i792ZPl2X8vAY1cq5wZu7YGNLbwdpKlrRtI3zTOHRROJjpvTrbR-YDXFRGcMvSP5QtlB1NfcID30eCvh30I0aJ/s1600/want2.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 183px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 236px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5539912411144815810" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy3lYJEEPy_Ac0LaNlrWI70PsDxvXUTIYJRG2hWNwRvm3QC2i792ZPl2X8vAY1cq5wZu7YGNLbwdpKlrRtI3zTOHRROJjpvTrbR-YDXFRGcMvSP5QtlB1NfcID30eCvh30I0aJ/s200/want2.jpg" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><div>Everything you want also wants you...</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I had a dream about a week ago that I was going to die very quickly..soon. In the dream I was so <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">overwhelmed</span>..because I was not done yet..<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> just getting my head on straight.. just getting to know my <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">true self</span>..what I like..who <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> still supposed to become..not done yet!!! <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'M</span> JUST STARTING!!</div><br /><div>I woke up feeling awful and wonderful at the same time.</div><br /><div>No I am not done yet.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>There is a journey I have been my entire life..but especially the last two years.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>A twist of fate brought my brother here from Japan for two weeks for a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">conference</span>. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>He is not here but ten minutes</div><br /><div>and I am overcome with tears</div><br /><div>sobbing</div><br /><div>catching my breath crying like a child emotion <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">that's</span> been apparently bottled up..</div><div>Really Heidi..really???!!!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>" I am not happy"</div><br /><div>and its like a movie playing</div><br /><div>where is this girl coming from</div><br /><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> fine, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> happy</div><br /><div>life is..<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> right?</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"I know...I saw this huge hole in your chest when I walked through the door..you did not have to say a word..what can I do..how can I fill it"..this is my brother...</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>" You cant do it.. I have to"..again <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">surprised</span> by my own words</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>You have to understand..my brother and I are <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">soul mates</span>. If there are other lifetimes..we have spent them together..it is that kind of bond..</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>" I was scared of coming home" Mark says</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Why?"</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Because for the last two years..I have been in a bubble..where life goes on day to day..and the world is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> and fine..and I know yours and dads is not. When I left..mom had just dropped the bomb of leaving dad..we were worried about dad putting a bullet to his head..then <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Kayla's</span> accident..you left Bruce, then you both lost your jobs..Nathan lost his mind..and being across the world there was not a fucking thing I could do about it!"</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I knew my world had been on fire for so long ..there is no oxygen left. His world was like watching the twin towers of the family come down and there was not a thing he could do about it...and he felt the weight on my shoulders of having to try and put back together all the shards of glass on my knees..one by one after the towers collapsed. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I just keep trying to put them together..and they <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> fit.</div><br /><div>and <em>I cant</em> make everything better.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>..and we cried.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>How awesome is that..that I have that one..true...honest...loveing relationship, with no judgement just love.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>It has been an eye opener.. a blessing.. a sweet twist of fate.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I feel like this journey..of the past few years, I am finally getting to the core</div><br /><div>the core is my true self</div><br /><div>and what I<em> want</em></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I have taken care of everyone for so long</div><br /><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> really really tired.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>it is my soul that is screaming "What about me"</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>So <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> trying to find..</div><br /><div>Happy.</div><br /><div>Have you seen her?</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I know deep down that everything I want</div><br /><div>also wants me</div><br /><div>and I AM NOT done yet..</div><br /><div>I have just started.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>~Almighty Heidi</div><br /><div></div>"Move within, but not the way fear moves you" ~Rumi<br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-307455929846551922010-11-02T21:25:00.004-04:002010-11-02T21:58:41.861-04:00Listen<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtH0qAoP-oOjcgSxZKeHI8lrZ8xwnAyzaSqR-vpW3KqVIoVljRgJy861CFqg4bGC3WtZjPvrA7pOTiiZ6NqD9JLQGXNdaZEy7P51wd8CiHWUJBcD0aH60L2kgm7Fs_TZhtpDWG/s1600/zen7.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 331px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535133797172118434" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtH0qAoP-oOjcgSxZKeHI8lrZ8xwnAyzaSqR-vpW3KqVIoVljRgJy861CFqg4bGC3WtZjPvrA7pOTiiZ6NqD9JLQGXNdaZEy7P51wd8CiHWUJBcD0aH60L2kgm7Fs_TZhtpDWG/s200/zen7.jpg" /></a><br /><div><br /><br />We forget in our humaness<br /><br />to keep seeing<br />hearing<br />feeling<br />for those around us<br /><br />Life gets busy<br /><br />Maybe in fact...<br />we never really truly stopped and listened<br /><br /><br />because<br /><br />When the world gets so loud<br />with responsibilities<br /><br />bills<br /><br />laundry<br /><br />brokeness<br /><br />life..<br /><br />But I hope you always hear me<br />in silence there is meaning beyond measure<br /><br />I hear you..<br />I feel you<br />I know you, and when we are disconnected somehow<br /><br />I promise to stop for a moment<br />and go to<br />the in between<br /><br />listen to the music in the background<br />that is you<br />always playing in my head<br /><br /><br />I hope we will always listen<br />to never forget<br />that we are human<br />and we need to feel<br />others around us.<br /><br /><br />~Almighty Heidi</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-66512126408676227262010-11-02T10:53:00.002-04:002010-11-02T10:56:43.398-04:00Silence(This is just an old relationship..just pondering it today)<br /><br />The silence screams<br />making the air so thick I cannot breathe<br /><br />but you look at me,<br />and I at you,<br /><br />thumbing the next page of your newspaper<br />you sip your coffee<br />never once <br /><br />did you hear me.<br /><br />~Almighty Heidi<div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-35384129290355561882010-10-25T19:54:00.003-04:002010-10-25T20:05:56.515-04:00AcheHow do I dare<br />to tell you<br /><br />What is in my heart<br /><br />the dark shadowed places<br /><br />that need to become light<br /><br />The truth hurts so much<br /><br />and yet releases me from my pain<br /><br />~Almighty Heidi<br /><br />(two blogs in one night. Sometimes you have to get it out :)<div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11676988.post-42461451535918529342010-10-25T18:09:00.008-04:002010-10-25T18:56:41.694-04:00Empty Spaces<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRoiE9OrYqa90htR0KcHt4gA92ormHnvnvdLosxtcESD_SR_K445AzvklXlnZv9sN5rrCIAnJbUTGc-OXx5B_UQYqTZbt5VliZVNf63lbUh0avuBS5OywIVqDsswgmiP_AEUFG/s1600/empty+spaces2.png"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 287px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 229px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532113988213702386" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRoiE9OrYqa90htR0KcHt4gA92ormHnvnvdLosxtcESD_SR_K445AzvklXlnZv9sN5rrCIAnJbUTGc-OXx5B_UQYqTZbt5VliZVNf63lbUh0avuBS5OywIVqDsswgmiP_AEUFG/s200/empty+spaces2.png" /></a><br /><br /><br />"The universe was once thought of an empty space. Astronomers once thought that the chance of two stars colliding was roughly once in an eternity"<br /><br /><br /><br />Two stars dancing<br />circling round each other<br /><br /><br />Gravitational pull<br /><br />Aching<br /><br />twoards center.<br /><br />take me willingly..<br />fill my empty space<br /><br /><br /><br />Exploding.<br /><br /><br />Becoming one,<br /><br />burning up in each others atmosphere,<br /><br />lighting up heaven<br /><br />on earth.<br /><br />(Yeah..kinda hot :)<br /><br /><br /><br />~Almighty Heidi<div class="blogger-post-footer">Blah blah blah, blah blah blah</div>AlmightyHeidihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13894050497916005956noreply@blogger.com1