Bosses Are The Bad Kind of Alien Species

Dear Heidi,How should I deal with a chatty boss that seems to be much more interested in reminiscing about 30 years ago than actually getting work done?Signed,Too Young for this Conversation

This is posted by Erin who should be my editor, who has a very well written column at http://surfaceripple.blogspot.com/

Here is my dysfunctional answer:

My significant other is quite a bit older than I. He has a story for everything. Any conversation turns into a story of what he did, or would have done then supported by another story, most of whichI have heard already twice over. It is defiantly an old senile person thing, or being ungratified in the moment of life your are living in now. This is what you can do and it involves the scientific reasoning of your brain called the hypothalamus. Here is a quote (I must have a quote) on what I heard about it recently:

"The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":

fleeing and
mating. "

1. Fighting: This is actually the nicer one of my suggestions.Fight back. How you may ask? When he talks of the days of latter years start doing very annoying things like tapping your pencil or leg while looking constantly at your watch. If this does not rid him then.. do something very mentally troubling such as taking a staple and scraping it along your cuticle until it bleeds,it will make him more and more unsettled.. If he throws a curve ball "Are you in a rush?" politely tell him you do have ALOT of work that needs to be done. "A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 responses about three days after the ad came out. All from the same person."

2. Feeding: Send him an anonymous cake lage enough for the entire staff "Happy Retirement" written on it. This will plant the seed that it maybe is time to take the memories of old to the nursing home he belongs in. If he doesn't get it, later that week anonymously send some flowers or put some champagne on his desk with the same slogan. He will wonder if he is truly going insane, or maybe just maybe someone does not like him.
If this does not work, pretend like you are eating your boogers or earwax while he is telling the stories. Then wipe your finger off on the desk area where he is closest too. Maybe this will gross him out enough to leave.
I have no quote for this one so I have a joke that I thought was funny that has absolutely nothing to do with your dilemma. "As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... You are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, " but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
Dick Wilson

3. Fleeing: If the more polite latter two do not work, this one has always worked for me. As he is starting to go into the story line, grap your closest roll of duck tape and scream in two short screams and a nice long curdeling one. Hurriedly and insanely tape his mouth screaming "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" and then curl up under your desk rocking in the fetal position. This is a definite cure. People who never get carried away should be. - Malcolm Forbes

4. Mating: Umm...well he may have to find a mate to mate with so the present becomes more interesting than the past. Maybe you can purchase him one:) "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant. "
Henry Miller

So there is my dysfunctional advise to you: Be an obsessive compulsive, pick your boogies, go postal, and get him laid.

Now for my rebuttal to the "Lone Ranger":

"iF u dOnT LIKe tHEe wAy eye speLL, ThEn u dOnt got TO reeD mi BLOG"

Latte' Heidi

1 comment:

Erin said...


Wow, I now have several great options for dealing with my chatty boss. The mental image that came with your duct tape suggestion will be treasured for a long time. I have to admit that it was difficult to read your answer and laugh so hard at the same time.

Thanks for the fantastic advice (and thanks for the blog link). I need to go order a cake...