I know something is changing inside...when I finally sleep. I have avoided my 5 am workouts for a week and a half, but only because..for the first time in months..I have slept. Falling asleep and staying asleep. I could not mess with that cycle. So for now I think I will use the devils tool of the fregging elliptical that is in the corner of my house staring at me in the evenings. I *HATE* the elliptical, I get a great work out from it though so im gonna try and focus my mind on loving it...nawwww..cant do it.
The second change...well..for the second time since I have lived in this house, I have a tear in my second down comforter that I have bought. Feathers everywhere. I thought I took care of the issues, but must have another rip. Normally I would be making sure it was all off the floor. Last night I had alot to do..and said..screw it. The feathers lay all over my room, have floated into the living room and beyond. Normally this would drive me crazy, espcially living with b..he would not help, just tell me to pick it up... Luckily..I fell asleep early and did not have to hear any of it, I was truly blessed because normally he would wake me up to tell me how unhappy he is with the mess. The universe must have put tape over his mouth last night and said "LET HER SLEEP" I looked at the feathers this morning and smiled...ahh a moment of freedom....I smiled inside too...but if anyone were to enter my house you would think there was a massive bird attack.
The third change..not really a change but an increase..I dream..alot. I have been dreaming everynight..dream after dream. I think my inner self is finally starting to work on some stuff.
Fourth: Remembering what I love. My last post I craved finding beauty. I have downloaded music, cooked what I like, found a favorite bottle of wine..well..it's like treating myself. I have some great herbal tea that I treat myself to reading a good book.
Tonight Im buying some fresh herbs for a recipe I want to cook this weekend..while listening to my music..and drinking my wine..and I will slow down for a moment and enjoy....enjoy turning 36 this weekend that is...I tried fighting it..now well..ya just cant so I'm going with the flow..the wine helps :o)