The Alien Gods are Pissed

I am in a foul mood today. My job sucks big gigantic gopher balls lately. Our insurence premiums went up, not to mention we have a HUGE deductible. So basically they might as well take two of my paycheks each month to pay for health insurance. Last night after playing pool, I come out to find I got a big dentin the passengers side door , like someone had kicked it real hard. Spring has sprung, and the newly dented car was covered in a layer of yellow pollen, and now I look like I have been crying all night, but really it is the allergies from all the fucking pollen. Then I woke up this morning, and there is no coffee, and I brushed my teeth with benadryl anti itch cream by accident, I think this was due to the lack of focus from the coffee withdrawl setting in all ready.

It's 9 am, and I think maybe, I should quietly leave work, go home, slip into my favorite tee shirt, and go back to bed.

Not SO Almighty Heidi


Almighty Heidi's Hangover Remedies

It is a week and a half after my birthday. It has taken me awhile to get over that night. I am finding the OLDER you get, the harder it is to function the next day...or the next...or even the next..In my quest for the best hangover remedies, I have found many superb quotations, two of which were from one of our founding fathers.

There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.
-- Benjamin Franklin

Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy- Benjamin Franklin

Now this makes sense, who else in there right mind is going to tie metal to a kite during a lightning storm to see what happens. He had to be drunk of his ass. They don't mention that part in the history books!!

Here are some more fun quotes:

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.
--William Butler Yeates

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin :
Ummm yeah, I had that would spinny thing going on, that sucked.

I often sit back and think, "I wish I had done that," and find out later that I already have.
-- Richard Harris:
Yup..I did that tooo

drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan : HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.
-- old Russian proverb
This sounds like something my grandfather would say

Ok now that we've had a history lesson, and also we know many famous people love to indulge in the drink as well, I feel as though my drunken stupor during my Birthday was just like a righ of passage, and it is ok to see the ceiling spin while laying on the floor.

The next morning I absolutely had to go to work...that hurt. I remember the night before ordering a sub, and I taked to the sub. I told it to "be kind to me", because "I will throw you up later" leading me to realize, yes, in that moment I knew exactly what I was doing, so there must have been some sanity in the 7 shots of goldschlager.

I got up, had very strong coffee, and went to work wanting to die. The sun hurt, noise hurt, i just wanted to put on some sweat pants and a tee shirt, and climb into the womb of the warm bed I left behind. Not to metion my new friend the ceramic bowl.

This I proved later that day, that I mmust have a game plan for next year....or whatever holiday comes up first, for a hangover remedy. This is what I found on the internet.

- 6 raw almonds before bedtime: So says the Americann Indians. From what I hear they have quite the drinking problem. I can eat almonds just so long as they are chocolate covered.

- Take two teaspoons of primrose oil: NOT. this will bring on the process of puking I would assume.

- African remedy: Peanut butter: I could not imagine throwing this up. Eww.

- Prickly pear cactus extract: Oh yeah, I keep a bottle of this around.

- Bloody Mary: This did surprise me. When you are drinking alot you arpoisoning your body. There is a chemical in alcohol called Congeners, say it with me people: Congeners. Good now lets continue.
These so called Congeners (Along with dehydration) are toxic chemicals made in fermentation. When there are too many in your body, it makes ya real sick.

After a night of binge drinking it is iportant NOT to take ibuprofen or ESPECIALLY ACETAMETAPHIN,because this mixed with the congeners, can cause liver damage. say it again with me so you don'tt die:

I will not take anything for my hangover headache in the form of pain relievers, because it can cause LIVER DAMAGE, and I will have a miserable death because therearen't enough organ donors, and I don't need some poor healthy kids liver that dies in a car accident because I drank too much.

Ok back to the bloody Mary. The saying that you should drink the next morning never sat well with me, but apparently it is true for a scientific reason. Apparently alcohol is adepressantt right?? We have all seen "that guy", you know who he is there is one in every bar, crying and telling everyone that "I love you man..no no I really love you man"
This may or may not be the effects of the depressant...I just think it's the feminine side of that man coming out of the closet. Having a drink helps to ease the symptoms of coming off of the depressant, and a bloody mary contains lots of vitamins you body is screaming for. This is only said to be a temporary effect.

However there are no cures for wakig up the next morning and remembering all the things you said drunk. That one you have to face on your own, as I had to do myself. I thought to myself, well, at least I had a great tim

then the flashbacks came, then another, and yet another, and I was cringing saying to myself, oh god..oh no..I did not do that...

On that note, evryone have a happy and safe weekend!!



Pot Roast Sunday

Today was Pot Roast Sunday. It is pretty much a norm around here, anything you can throw into a crock pot, so you don't have to "cook" is my specialty.

My middle son has been giving me alot of 'attitude' that I must nip in the butt. This weekend he told me he was going to the movies, and did not ask. He told me he was spending the night at his friends, and did not ask. After he was grounded, and found out that this included taking the x box out of his room, his tv, and his radio, and anything that brough him any kind of 'joy' other than a book, he decided to tell me how much I suck.

I was watching a discovery show about dogs. Because they run in packs they look for the dominant male, and if there is none, they assume the authority, and lead the other dogs.

Because of the lack of a dominant male in my household, my son has decided to take on the roll of dominant dog. I have held back the urge to beat my son into realizing I am the dominant 'bitch' (Hehehe female dog get it?) of the home, and proceeded to stand firm and make his life a living hell untill he conforms.

Realizing from the discovery channel there must be an all out fight, to see who the winner is, it is my every intention to win.

I did have a good laugh today as I let him outside for one task today. My daughter is 15 and wants to be a CSI investigator. She was 'pretending' to be one today as she drew my sons outlines with white chalk in the driveway, and took pictures of the "crime scene"

If the neighbors did not know she did this, they might be inclined to belive that I finnally "did in" with my son. It made me laugh.

All in all he is a good pup at heart, he just needs some help finding his way, and
that I still make the rules.

Have a great Sunday.

The bitch..Almighty Heidi.


Today is my Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woooooooooohooooooooooooooooo Happy Birthday to Me, happy birthday to me.

I was pretty happy about this, untill the fleeting thought went through my brain that in order for me to have exsistance on this earth, my parents first must have had sexual intercourse. Gross. Then after that my mother was to squeeze me out of the unmentionable parts of her body. GrossER.

More blogs later, but I must go out this evening so I can give you tales of the hungover Heidi at work tommorrow.


The Almighty Birthday Girl.