Respect Your Elders

Normally, in an emergency situation, the Almighty Heidi has some pretty quick reflexes. I will be the first mom on the field in a baseball game injury, the sight of blood, open wounds, broken bones and such do not bother me. If you keel over, and I am in the room, I will be the one doing the CPR. This comes in handy with having three children. I found out that my sons, however big and strong they are will be brought to there knees with the sight of blood.

Now….that you are in the mind of the Almighty Heidi…this story has me questioning my mighty abilities:

Florida is in dire need of rain. There are bout 200 brush fires all over the state, and you can’t walk out your door without being chocked with smoke, and ash up your nose. It is a bit freaky when you start hoping for a tropical storm.

This has nothing to do with my story other than the fact that it made me think of this one: Quite a few months ago, we did get rain. And it was a down pour for the first 15 minutes on my trip to work. By the time I came to my street to turn on, it was sprinkling. The road is a mess, puddles and water is streaming down overflowing the gutters.

I look ahead and there is an adorable 70 year old lady with a hat, and clutching her tiny purse trying to make it to the bus stop. She is running as quick as her little legs will take her. It was a bit amusing and cute. As I am getting closet to her I look out the right of my car to catch a glance of her again, and just then BAM!!!!!!! Hit a big huge pothole overflowing with rainwater. SPLASH!!!! I soak her from head to toe. She stops dead in her tracks, pauses to see what the heck just happened, looks down in disgust and wipes herself off as best she can. She proceeds to re-set her hat on top of her head, and jump starts her running pace to the bus…while I kept driving in shame.

Any other human might have stopped and offered her a lift…it was like leaving a wounded animal on the side of the road…is the Heidi really Almighty, or just a coward??

Either way, I will never forget, and the sick part of me laughs at the image of the old lady in my head. Maybe It's the Aliens who made me do it.....those damn aliens.

Almighty Heidi??


Medical Findings

I like to read about new medical breakthroughs, as I have a scientific mind from my days being a nurse, but I am a bit more twisted. I think Gary Larson who made the Far Side was perhaps my soul mate.

An new recent study showed that 7 alcoholic drinks or more per week...causes brain shrinkage. More so in females than males, as females are more easily intoxicated. They actually looked at MRI's of both male and femal drinkers and non drinkers. The Volume of the brain decreased, and less blood flow with more alcohol consumption.

Now in my firm opinion, us females all know that we are intoxicaed more easily than men. Most of the time the men are the ones in hope of getting the women to this level, so the drinks keep coming, in hopes of female intoxication, which leads to promiscuity, or perhaps a body shot of some sort, or maybe some dirty dancing.

Now, I think however that the medical community was looking at the wrong brain. We as females also know, with male intoxication, it does indeed lead to....shrinkage. If they would only MRI the part of the male body that does most of the thinking anyway, they too would see...less brain volume, and less blood flow as well.

I have to end with my favorite headline of the day...there isn't too much to talk about here..... "Exercising longer, keeps the weight off"
Really?? Who would have thought!!!!

sHrInKaGe!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That was for all the Seinfeld fans)



Passion Fruit

Ok After about a year off of Blogging...She's back, the new and improved, ever so Cynical Almighty Heidi!!!!!!!!!!

Passion Fruit:
I finished watching Pride & Prejudice and found myself in that place of “Ahhhh Romance” However this dreamlike state is rudely awakened by the children fighting and the insignificant other coming home, wanting his dinner, and damn it, there is a spot on his work shirt he was going to wear tomorrow. I wonder if this was the second half of Lizzy’s life……….

Men and women are such different species I find it somewhat annoying. Women through the ages have bought many many things, solely for the hopes of romance. Poetry, perfumes to make her feel pretty and worthy, fashion, eyelashes, hair extensions, wonder bra’s you name it.
It is pretty easy how to figure out how to sell things to these different species. For the female for instance it must be:
1. Anything Chocolate, milk chocolate, semi sweet chocolate, Dark chocolate, or ice cream with something chocolate fudge swirled inside. Easy sell.

2.It must drip of passion and romance. This is why Danielle Steele has been best seller for many years, along with the other sappy writers in the business. I must say, I have read a few and was impressed by the intimate details of Max’s throbbing manhood, and that he was soon to find out that his Uncle had left him millions, and he and his new love would ride off into the sunset happily ever after. What woman would not want that?


For the male species it must be
A. Dripping with fat: Fried Meat, Fried Cheese, Fried potatoes, Fried Butter. Throw in a beer and a big screen in a smoky bar somewhere and in his mind it is a romantic dinner out.

B. Any sort of tool, or even better, power tool. We they might never get used, but a man feels more manly, if he has more of them.

C: Anything oozing with sex.

So, my conclusion is that in the real life world, we must come together, these two species, and find away to connect romance for the woman, into oozing sex for the man. This involves deep fried cheese, fantasies about throbbing manhood, dripping in chocolate…and power tools….hmmmmmm.

Latte' Heidi