And On The Seventh Day...

"Mom, please get me out of here, please take me home"
" I can't love, you are not ready yet"

and we cry

It's been seven days since I took my son to inpatient rehab.

Every fiber of my being wanted to pack my son up and take him home.

Im really really starting hate the universe. I hate having to have had being a single mom.
I hate the weight of the world which is a two ton boulder.
I hate having to work nights just to keep a roof over our head and to have my sons be alone at night, without he watchful eye of mom.

I hate hearing about other parents honor school kids, and that they went to the beach, and soon they are going to Disney World.

It makes me want to vomit.

I hate that I have had one vacation with them ever..because I always have to work.

I hate not being able to pack my son up, and take him home, and have the world be ok for all of us.

I hate that I have had three back surgeries, and lost so much time when my kids were smaller. I hate that my daughter was in an accident and still has pain, and I hate that my other son has so much anxiety it is hard for him to leave the house.

I hate that their dad just dissappeared and does not even know that mike is in rehab, and Mike would like to see him but I dont even have a phone number to call him at.

I hate feeling that I was enough
I hate all of it. Every stinking bit.

I want to throw the covers over my head and cry, but it is all still there..every stinking bit.

So I ask the universe, to get me out of this

and she replies "I cant love, your not ready yet"

and I cry.

~Almighty Heidi