She Whispers To Me

Always with her hands out


The invisible rope to more

Begging to touch it

Always out of grasp.

She whispers to me

"Let go"

"Just….let…go.. "

I’ve been holding on for so long

I forgotten how..

How to unclench my hands.

Have you forgotten

the now, the today ?

When you are trying to touch
if you are reaching what is out of your grasp….


just maybe

if you let go


It will come to You.

Let go.

~Almighty Heidi


Everything you want..also wants you

Everything you want also wants you...

I had a dream about a week ago that I was going to die very quickly..soon. In the dream I was so overwhelmed..because I was not done yet..I'm just getting my head on straight.. just getting to know my true self..what I like..who I'm still supposed to become..not done yet!!! I'M JUST STARTING!!

I woke up feeling awful and wonderful at the same time.

No I am not done yet.

There is a journey I have been my entire life..but especially the last two years.

A twist of fate brought my brother here from Japan for two weeks for a conference.

He is not here but ten minutes

and I am overcome with tears


catching my breath crying like a child emotion that's been apparently bottled up..
Really Heidi..really???!!!

" I am not happy"

and its like a movie playing

where is this girl coming from

I'm fine, I'm happy

life is..ok right?

"I know...I saw this huge hole in your chest when I walked through the door..you did not have to say a word..what can I do..how can I fill it"..this is my brother...

" You cant do it.. I have to"..again surprised by my own words

You have to understand..my brother and I are soul mates. If there are other lifetimes..we have spent them together..it is that kind of bond..

" I was scared of coming home" Mark says


"Because for the last two years..I have been in a bubble..where life goes on day to day..and the world is ok and fine..and I know yours and dads is not. When I left..mom had just dropped the bomb of leaving dad..we were worried about dad putting a bullet to his head..then Kayla's accident..you left Bruce, then you both lost your jobs..Nathan lost his mind..and being across the world there was not a fucking thing I could do about it!"

I knew my world had been on fire for so long ..there is no oxygen left. His world was like watching the twin towers of the family come down and there was not a thing he could do about it...and he felt the weight on my shoulders of having to try and put back together all the shards of glass on my knees..one by one after the towers collapsed.

I just keep trying to put them together..and they don't fit.

and I cant make everything better.

..and we cried.

How awesome is that..that I have that one..true...honest...loveing relationship, with no judgement just love.

It has been an eye opener.. a blessing.. a sweet twist of fate.

I feel like this journey..of the past few years, I am finally getting to the core

the core is my true self

and what I want

I have taken care of everyone for so long

I'm really really tired.

it is my soul that is screaming "What about me"

So I'm trying to find..


Have you seen her?

I know deep down that everything I want

also wants me

and I AM NOT done yet..

I have just started.

~Almighty Heidi

"Move within, but not the way fear moves you" ~Rumi



We forget in our humaness

to keep seeing
for those around us

Life gets busy

Maybe in fact...
we never really truly stopped and listened


When the world gets so loud
with responsibilities





But I hope you always hear me
in silence there is meaning beyond measure

I hear you..
I feel you
I know you, and when we are disconnected somehow

I promise to stop for a moment
and go to
the in between

listen to the music in the background
that is you
always playing in my head

I hope we will always listen
to never forget
that we are human
and we need to feel
others around us.

~Almighty Heidi


(This is just an old relationship..just pondering it today)

The silence screams
making the air so thick I cannot breathe

but you look at me,
and I at you,

thumbing the next page of your newspaper
you sip your coffee
never once

did you hear me.

~Almighty Heidi