I decided that my life over the last few weeks has beed entirely too stressful. In trying to relive that stress in a healthy way, I introduced some new “peaceful” things into my office cubby that were supposed to help bring some serenity, and balance into my workplace environment.
Candle: Aromatherapy and smelling something warm and pleasant has always been relaxing to me. Then I had visions of myself on the front page of the Orlando Sentinel as the employee who was being held on arson charges. I didn’t get the nickname “Grace” for nothing. I will run into walls, fall out of my chair, and with a candle, accidentally set wherever that candle is, on fire. The panic that came with bringing a candle into my cubby, totally contradicted the relaxation that I was trying to get.
Inner Peace Cards: These cards were given to me by a friend/co-worker with affirmations such as: “Anything that bothers you is only a problem within. Only you can experience it, and only you can correct it.”
Ok I get that to an extent. I am being bothered by my significant other. It is a problem within because he is giving me ulcers. I will correct it by packing up and leaving….thus more stress. These cards just don’t work.
Music: Due to an antenna breakage issue, the only clear station that will come in on my tiny radio in my padded cubicle....is country. That is enough to give one a nervous breakdown. Which I did look up on a health site to see if I was close. Here is what I found:
Symptoms of nervous breakdown:
Continuous low mood and tearfulness without any obvious trigger Hello...this is a symptom for every female on the planet.
Loss of sex drive Give me a hot male dancer, and I'll let you know how it goes.
Overwhelming tiredness by day, but inability to go off to sleep at night, often with frequent waking and finally waking unusually early Yup, as seen in my previous blog I have been having nightmares and bolting up from my dreams. If my subconcious would shut the hell up maybe I could get a decent nights sleep.
Appetite and weight can be increased or decreased This is not up for discussion.
A feeling of slowing up, yet often with a sense of restlessness Dunno
A sense of unreality and detachment from life Does daydreaming about leaving everything behind and moving to Hawaii count?
Low self-esteem, irrational guilt and feelings of worthlessness I had irrational guilt over eating the double espresso brownie from Starbucks on Monday.
Lack of drive and motivation *Yawn*
Loss of interest in usual pleasures Well Duh, if you eat chocolate you get fat, if you have sex, there is the possibility of having yet another child, if you drink you get hungover, Kill my x, I go to jail. Whats the matter with this world??
Poor concentration and short-term memory What was the question I can't remember.
Uncontrollable mood swings BITE ME! Oh sorry about that *tearful* I didn't mean it. SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP.
Unexplained physical symptoms and the fear that they might mean something serious I can't figure out if this is another sinus headache or a brain tumor.
Feeling that life is not worth living, sometimes to the point of wanting to end it Nawww and miss all this fun??
Hallucinations There was this one time when I was 16 and smoked something not so legal....
Latte'
Heidi
8/25/2005
8/15/2005
Subliminal Messages From Beyond
Ok I tried the advise columnist thinggy and got 2 responses actually 3, but #3 doesn't count, he just commented on my bad spelling. So maybe I will have the blogging world analyze this blog.
"You will travel far and wide, both for pleasure and business"
This was in last weeks fortune cookie. So far the furthest I have traveled for business and pleasure would be the office coffee run to starbucks which is less than a third of a mile down the road. Mmmm vanilla latte'. I wonder if you can truly overdose on caffeine. I was having difficulty falling asleep last night, and I think I finally dozed off around 1 am. I had a vivid "end of the world" nightmare with forgein planes on our soil...and I worry about protecting my family. I snap out of that dream...And I'm in a nicer dream with green monkeys.
No..as I have said before in previous blogs I do not use drugs.
Ok, so that brings me to my coffee binge. This morning 2 cups of coffee sugar only, I am out of cream. Well with that nasty taste in my mouth, I am off, and traffic is not bad only 7:50..and I can stop at starbucks and get the mac daddy of all coffee's the Vintie (large) non fat vanilla latte it has 2 shots express. Yum.
Ok a bit off the subject but it is just wrong:
I come back to the office and I have a photograph my brother posts on his site http://annunaki.deviantart.com/gallery/ and it is my screen saver. A picture of a star. The boss comes around and aks me if it is a picture of a nipple.
I would hate to be his therapist doing ink blot testing.
Prozac Moment:
Lunch time comes around and I am living soley on coffee lunch the day before since I skipped dinner. It is only 10:30 in the morning and I am dying. 11:30 I am blessed to never know the pangs of real starvation.
My work load has steadily been increasing and I am ready to snap.It is a good thing my itty bitty cubby has padded walls (and inspirational cards and a voodoo doll when things get out of hand) I leave the office for an early lunch and because have been to the same place for lunch three times in a row and every time the order is messed up I get...A bit snippy. Ok a lot snippy, I am a bit ashamed. There were two police officers sitting down eating there lunch...And they were the only thing stopping me from jumping over the sub counter and screaming in this woman's face and beating her with the oven mitt. I had great images in my head of this plan.She had no issue with getting the order wrong, and no compassion to fix it. Then all of a sudden in a glowing light in there drink display...A bottled cold starbucks low fat vanilla frappachino. I grab that tell them to forget the charges on my credit card just gimmie the starbucks and off I go.
In the car I pop off the lid, and it's like crack to a crack addict. Yum.
The subconscious mind at work, or dreams of a mad woman?:
Night 1: Dream I get a lottery ticket. Numbers that I won off of are on a fortune cookie. In the dream I m beyond ecstatic and am figuring how I will split up and invest the money with my family and children, I go to buy a car and house. I ponder letting my significant other have any money, but I pay him off and I quit my job. I ride to Tallahassee to turn in my ticket to find out that I lost the lottery draw by one freggin number. I wake up, almost in tears of disappointment.
Night 2: An axe murder is after people I don't know, it's like they are my family and I try and protect everyone, and it is useless, I wake up at 2 am freaked out and can't breathe, only to fall asleep later to relplay the sick dream.
Night 3: I dream about buying a house. I wake up and am pissed. I have this dream often because the cost of homes here is outrageous, and unless I hit the lottery or get married, I will never be able to own one by myself, thus...The first dream.
Night 4: The lottery dream, but this time I see the same numbers on a sign outside the church, I think this is odd because the churches I grew up in condone any sort of gambling. Bruce wins this time. Wow, this is interesting tie since Bruce is a compulsive gambler. I know he will not share so I ask him if he would just buy me a house. He doesn't and again I wake up pissed, and I kick him underneath the sheets.
Night 5: I have had this dream a few times I am work screaming at everyone out of pure frustration screaming at the top of my lungs, they look up for a sec, then look back down to whatever they were doing and go back about there day as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on.
Night 6: The war dream above. Perfect doomsday dream to my week.
Ok...So after reading this neurotic blog, no more bucks for awhile and I think I have some serious relationship issues, with some pent up aggression towards the sub lady. If I had vacation time I think I should have taken it. However after reading a blog http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
I figured out I am not as disturbed as alot of people on this planet, and I heck, I think I might be healthy.
All "Wanna Be" dream analizers welcome to comment:)
Latte'
Heidi
"You will travel far and wide, both for pleasure and business"
This was in last weeks fortune cookie. So far the furthest I have traveled for business and pleasure would be the office coffee run to starbucks which is less than a third of a mile down the road. Mmmm vanilla latte'. I wonder if you can truly overdose on caffeine. I was having difficulty falling asleep last night, and I think I finally dozed off around 1 am. I had a vivid "end of the world" nightmare with forgein planes on our soil...and I worry about protecting my family. I snap out of that dream...And I'm in a nicer dream with green monkeys.
No..as I have said before in previous blogs I do not use drugs.
Ok, so that brings me to my coffee binge. This morning 2 cups of coffee sugar only, I am out of cream. Well with that nasty taste in my mouth, I am off, and traffic is not bad only 7:50..and I can stop at starbucks and get the mac daddy of all coffee's the Vintie (large) non fat vanilla latte it has 2 shots express. Yum.
Ok a bit off the subject but it is just wrong:
I come back to the office and I have a photograph my brother posts on his site http://annunaki.deviantart.com/gallery/ and it is my screen saver. A picture of a star. The boss comes around and aks me if it is a picture of a nipple.
I would hate to be his therapist doing ink blot testing.
Prozac Moment:
Lunch time comes around and I am living soley on coffee lunch the day before since I skipped dinner. It is only 10:30 in the morning and I am dying. 11:30 I am blessed to never know the pangs of real starvation.
My work load has steadily been increasing and I am ready to snap.It is a good thing my itty bitty cubby has padded walls (and inspirational cards and a voodoo doll when things get out of hand) I leave the office for an early lunch and because have been to the same place for lunch three times in a row and every time the order is messed up I get...A bit snippy. Ok a lot snippy, I am a bit ashamed. There were two police officers sitting down eating there lunch...And they were the only thing stopping me from jumping over the sub counter and screaming in this woman's face and beating her with the oven mitt. I had great images in my head of this plan.She had no issue with getting the order wrong, and no compassion to fix it. Then all of a sudden in a glowing light in there drink display...A bottled cold starbucks low fat vanilla frappachino. I grab that tell them to forget the charges on my credit card just gimmie the starbucks and off I go.
In the car I pop off the lid, and it's like crack to a crack addict. Yum.
The subconscious mind at work, or dreams of a mad woman?:
Night 1: Dream I get a lottery ticket. Numbers that I won off of are on a fortune cookie. In the dream I m beyond ecstatic and am figuring how I will split up and invest the money with my family and children, I go to buy a car and house. I ponder letting my significant other have any money, but I pay him off and I quit my job. I ride to Tallahassee to turn in my ticket to find out that I lost the lottery draw by one freggin number. I wake up, almost in tears of disappointment.
Night 2: An axe murder is after people I don't know, it's like they are my family and I try and protect everyone, and it is useless, I wake up at 2 am freaked out and can't breathe, only to fall asleep later to relplay the sick dream.
Night 3: I dream about buying a house. I wake up and am pissed. I have this dream often because the cost of homes here is outrageous, and unless I hit the lottery or get married, I will never be able to own one by myself, thus...The first dream.
Night 4: The lottery dream, but this time I see the same numbers on a sign outside the church, I think this is odd because the churches I grew up in condone any sort of gambling. Bruce wins this time. Wow, this is interesting tie since Bruce is a compulsive gambler. I know he will not share so I ask him if he would just buy me a house. He doesn't and again I wake up pissed, and I kick him underneath the sheets.
Night 5: I have had this dream a few times I am work screaming at everyone out of pure frustration screaming at the top of my lungs, they look up for a sec, then look back down to whatever they were doing and go back about there day as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on.
Night 6: The war dream above. Perfect doomsday dream to my week.
Ok...So after reading this neurotic blog, no more bucks for awhile and I think I have some serious relationship issues, with some pent up aggression towards the sub lady. If I had vacation time I think I should have taken it. However after reading a blog http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
I figured out I am not as disturbed as alot of people on this planet, and I heck, I think I might be healthy.
All "Wanna Be" dream analizers welcome to comment:)
Latte'
Heidi
8/08/2005
"The Black Hole"
"The most profound statements are often found in silence"
- Lynn Johnston
I have nothing as of late to say, so I will let the quote speak for itself.
Latte'
Heidi
- Lynn Johnston
I have nothing as of late to say, so I will let the quote speak for itself.
Latte'
Heidi
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