5/26/2006

Tips and Trips From The Alien Brain

I have a few more weeks left on the painkillers. But I thought I would share my fun trips with you.

Songs that go through my head, and..that I sing outloud...loud like the American idol I am. My insignifigant other finds pleasure in this part of the morning, and the kids know if they ask me for 20 bucks, they will get it no questions asked, along with a big I LOOOOVEEE YOU.

10 minutes after first dose (usually sung in the shower): Prince: Purple rain purple rain
15 Minutes: Dont ask me about this one: I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok, I sleep all night and I work all day....
25 minutes: I..I will survive...along with the best bootie dane I can muster up, with my hairdryer as my microphone.
45minutes: About this time it's ready for work and the meds have mellowed out and the 'high' is gone: IIIIIIIII fallllll to pieces....(Patsy Cline)

During this time it is best to put on slip on shoes for work. Shoes that must be tied are like a drunk trying to walk a straight line. Make up should not be applied untill an hour after the dose, or you may end up looking like a hoar that slept on the left side of her face all night with the make up still on and smeared all over. During this time, it would be to your insignifigant others opportunity to take this time to take advantage of the inhibitions, if you know what i'm saying.

Never ever go shopping with your credit card, after taking your perscriptions drugs. 'drunk shopping' is fun, but you will max out your card very quickly. Big no no. I happened to get my tonails done, tanned, and bought a new outfit, and called it therapy. Therapy cost me 200.00 not covered by my insurance plan.

I love everyone for 45 minutes 4 times a day...(med times)

It is wise to wait till this moment passes before you go into the presidents office and tell him "ya know, I really love you, thanks for everything', while giving him a big hug in your low cut shirt you picked out in the morning purple rain state....with other co-workers standing around. (I really meant to say I appreciated everything he had done for me while I missed 4 weeks of work, but I think we have evolved to a new uncomfortable level.

TIPS TO LIVE AND LEARN FROM THE ALMIGHTIEST OF ALL HEIDI'S

5 comments:

X. Dell said...

(1) I don't know how typical those song choices are for you, but if you only sing them after the meds, then the painkillers have given you really good taste in music.

(2) I now know that you like wearing high heels, suspenders and a bra. I'll bet you wish you was a girlie just like your dear. . . .

(3) We'll see how uncomfortable that level gets, especially if you wake up with a promotion and a big fat pay raise (to pay for more uninsured therapy, of course).

(4) I'd appreciate it if you could tell me when you take your meds, so that I can post within the 45- minute window.

Happy and Blue 2 said...

It would be so nice to be happy four times a day. If you get bored with it send me your meds..

AlmightyHeidi said...

x-dell: I am a lover of all music.
high heels suspenders and a bra made me laugh, fmales to have advantage to promotions indeed.

happy and blue: my sidekick. What you need t o do, it go uptop your roof, jump down, have one of your three kids call an ambulance, screem in pain in the er, and they are bound to give you something good.

schaumi said...

hey almightiest highest heidi,

just think of it this way....
200.00 bucks would have never paid for an actual therapist....(I'm assuming)
so you actually got off cheap, plus, I bet you looked better than if you would have walked out of a therapists office.

AlmightyHeidi said...

good point scham...the guilt is gone..the guilt is gone!!!!

:)