5/03/2007

Passion Fruit

Ok After about a year off of Blogging...She's back, the new and improved, ever so Cynical Almighty Heidi!!!!!!!!!!


Passion Fruit:
I finished watching Pride & Prejudice and found myself in that place of “Ahhhh Romance” However this dreamlike state is rudely awakened by the children fighting and the insignificant other coming home, wanting his dinner, and damn it, there is a spot on his work shirt he was going to wear tomorrow. I wonder if this was the second half of Lizzy’s life……….

Men and women are such different species I find it somewhat annoying. Women through the ages have bought many many things, solely for the hopes of romance. Poetry, perfumes to make her feel pretty and worthy, fashion, eyelashes, hair extensions, wonder bra’s you name it.
It is pretty easy how to figure out how to sell things to these different species. For the female for instance it must be:
1. Anything Chocolate, milk chocolate, semi sweet chocolate, Dark chocolate, or ice cream with something chocolate fudge swirled inside. Easy sell.

2.It must drip of passion and romance. This is why Danielle Steele has been best seller for many years, along with the other sappy writers in the business. I must say, I have read a few and was impressed by the intimate details of Max’s throbbing manhood, and that he was soon to find out that his Uncle had left him millions, and he and his new love would ride off into the sunset happily ever after. What woman would not want that?

3.Shoes.

For the male species it must be
A. Dripping with fat: Fried Meat, Fried Cheese, Fried potatoes, Fried Butter. Throw in a beer and a big screen in a smoky bar somewhere and in his mind it is a romantic dinner out.

B. Any sort of tool, or even better, power tool. We they might never get used, but a man feels more manly, if he has more of them.

C: Anything oozing with sex.


So, my conclusion is that in the real life world, we must come together, these two species, and find away to connect romance for the woman, into oozing sex for the man. This involves deep fried cheese, fantasies about throbbing manhood, dripping in chocolate…and power tools….hmmmmmm.


Latte' Heidi

5 comments:

foam said...

it's about time you came on back......
i've been missing you.
oh yes, and now i'm foam, formerly known as schaumi

foam said...

...and you are still funny....
and apparently still with the insignificant other..

X. Dell said...

(1) It's not the sex men are attracted to; it's the nudity.

(2) I like fried meats and beer, but I draw the line at fried beer. I also like chocolate and have actually read Pride and Prejudice. I guess I must be sexually confused.

You better believe that once Darcy and Bennett tied the knot, they wanted to tie it around each other's throats. But romance novels never tell you 'bout that.

Anonymous said...

x... I would like to see you fry beer...And yes...men are visual, that is for certain. Now, a man who reads old school romance novels..I think I love you.

Foam: I'm glad you think I am funny:)Insignifigant other...yup, I have settled, and just plain given up.

Almightyheidi

Rainypete said...

That sounds like on frightening yet effective product. Maybe you should take a patent out? Oh and welcome back!