2/20/2009

Self Esteem

I hate pictures..of me. Im trying to get over this self defeating type of thing, but I really do..hate seeing myself...everyone does to an extent, but I..even hate mirrors. It was hard for me to post my pic yesterday. This is not me fishing for compliments, it's an actual issue.

Part of this comes from the ugliness of the B. He is an ugly person inside, and It seeps through his pours onto the people around him, in a very subtle way, that you do not know you just been crapped upon.

The other part is my un..non comfort level in my own body post surgery(s). I used to run. I dream about running, and the high I felt. I cant run anymore. Now that my back is better from my last surgery in June, I can do other things than run, but feel like I am defeating myself in this...going to the gym, and thenmaybe eating bad, or not going to the gym, and eating good. I cant seem to do both. So Im looking at the Heidi inside going..

WTF.!!!!??????

In order to be comfortable in my own skin, I know what has to be done, but keep putting up walls in the way so that I dont get anywhere. WHY ALMIGHTY WHY??

The aliens are speechless. Even they dont know what to say.

If I figure it out I will let you know.

Heidi

3 comments:

Rolf said...

Now I can be the first to comment.

Yes!

I can see in the photo that you are not comfortable with the situation.

But you are great
You look great

But I wonder how you look with the glasses on your nose.

foam said...

heidi,
you do look real nice in that photo.
b. does not know what he has in you .. tsk ..

anyway .. i work out the way you do ..
work out, then eat junk.
eat healthy, then veg out on the couch. it's all about balance, i figure.

i think you probaby are slowly whittling away at that internal wall. you just can't see the cracks yet.

you will get there, sweetie.

MaQuade said...

Heidi, Heidi, Heidi.
The lovely Heidi almighty.
With phenomenal smile
and killer style,
Your beauty shall always smite me.