I had a good birthday yesterday. It was kind of a birthday weekend. I spoiled myself and took Friday off so I could sleep in...and I made dinner for my father yesterday. I did not mind cooking, in fact it was nice cooking for someone who appreciated it. He has been super lonely and a bit lost since my mom left him. We had Chicken breasts stuffed with spinach, mushrooms, onion, garlic, fresh sage, asiago, parmesean, and mozerella cheeses..and sourcream. Then I topped off the floured chicken with paprika and pesto. It came out of the oven warm and bubbly and I doused it with a cream mushroom garlic sauce. Then I chopped some red potatoes, and seasoned them as well, alon with some fresh picked green beans wiht my own special Heidi touch. It was an ALMIGHTY dinner, and devoured up... I love to cook, but only when I have time to take the time too cook, which is mainly the weekends.
Oh...and it did not make anyone sick....he he he..this is a good sign, unlike Saturday nights egg rolls..What is it about Chineese food that tastes so good going down, but 15 minutes later I lie in bed in misery cursing "Number 1 Chineese Food" around the corner??!!!!
There was a downside to my weekend that I am having trouble with. My best friend Mary and her husband have lost their home. Scott lost his job, and they are about to lose the apartment they live in. Mary confided in me that a few years back B Borrowed 7k from them..7 k!!!!!, and they really could use that money now.
What do you say to that? And yeah..he gambled it away I am sure.
So I had to say, please dont hold me accountable for the sins of b...I really had nothing to do with it, and that is between your husband and him, but I would talk to B.
And I felt like I was leaving them high and dry...and I hope I did not lose a friend..b cost me a friendship I am sure.
So as these moments where the lights fall on the shadows of what is and what was..I am letting go...very easily now. I held on tight for a long time, but there is nothing but ugly left, and ugly gets uglier...
Oh and my b day..not a birthday wish..nor card..fron b but he did buy himself 250 worth of clothes...I am glad I am leaving. I want to turn the page..but have to wait a bit more patiently.
There is nothing left to do..but go into a padded room..and scream..while being spoonfed lithim and prozac...I'm a worrier..I Love to worry...but for the past year, the obsessive inner worrier has been getting quieter and quieter..I dont hear alot from her these days...interesting.
So again... I let go...knowing that somehow in it's own way, it will take care of itself..and I take care of me, and myself...I choose to see the light at the end of the tunnel and this is what I am learning to do...from A-Z in every aspect of my life, when I thought about it this morning..by the time I get to z... if I can get that far...well it will be zen..my own enlightenment thus the title...
He he he
Almighty Heidi Master of all that is withZen