5/01/2009

Restless


Today comes the pay cuts...we will find out how much...it's left me restless all week, we were supposed to know on Monday..so It's like I have had a splinter all week in my finger, that I cant get rid of.


So many changes at one time, it is hard for my soul to function.

I am moving, yes, out of a 7 year relationship.

My daughter was in an accident an injured her back, and we had to pull her out of school. Now Im trying to get her GED, but she will be having Jaw surgery in June and will be in the hospital a week..after that week Im going back to work, and hope she will be fine while I am gone.


Im dealing with my father, after my mom has left him, and his home was robbed.


My sons are struggling with school...bad.


I miss my brother who moved to Japan, and my neice and sister in law.


Im worried about if Im gonna have enough people to help me move...I cant lift anything because of my back surgeries..and feel helpless. I wish I had money for movers.


Then just after I move, it's time for my kids to go back to school in August...I have to afford school supplies..

Im worried about Bruce..and the shit hitting the fan...he can get real ugly. My job is cutting my hours,

I am looking for a second job...i'm trying to lose weight, my world is just spinning...the bad spin..like you have drank too much wine, and the bed is spinning and you cant make it stop... untill you throw up.


I need to throw up. I need a good cry...spin spin spin spin spin....


Ughhh *STOP*


Some people say "Embrace the change", but that phrase makes me wanna puke too... and I know I will look back and see it is all for the greater good,

I will...that is how I am wired.

But being in the middle of it...if I hear embrace the change, I will tell you to shut the hell up..im not ready yet.


So I am putting it aside....

and going to the beach tommorrow...
Im gonna have a glass of wine..or two..
Have a ciggarette..before I quit, and add it to my list of insanity...

and maybe Sunday...I'll do it all over again.

See you all Monday..have a wonderful weekend.



Heidi

8 comments:

AlpHa Buttonpusher said...

Just breathe in the power you need to go through all that. Just breathe...they don't call you Almighty Heidi for nuthin' :)

Shadow said...

wow, yes, this is a lot. but one by one, you can do it. have a ciggy, breathe and enjoy your weekend too!

foam said...

hope you are able to relax today!! and part of tomorrow ..
i'm thinking of you.

Edgy said...

If you could possibly find ONE thing in your life that could remain the same. Something simple and small and not life-altering. Just a littl tiny thing...and keep it the same and hold on to it for all you've got. P.S. i wouldn't try to quit smoking right now....I'll keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers

MaQuade said...

Ditto Edgy... Find the good that's scattered amongst the clutter =0)

Awesome-
J

AlmightyHeidi said...

Thank you all so much. The support is overwhelming.

Cat said...

Heidi - one day at a time or one moment at a time, whatever and however you can manage to make it work and stay sane.

Change comes and it happens and I think we have little say or choice in some change, like job cuts, taxes, surgeries, and our own physical limitations. It is a hard spot and I wish you come through it unscathed and well.

Cat

Rolf said...

This world is spinning faster and faster. But it is the only world we have...

Take care!
I wish I was there, over there, lifting moving things, helping a friend