Aliens have invaded the family

"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers." ~Edgar W. Howe

I have pondered men in this whole blogging areana, and it is such an interesting subject so I will BLOG on. Today I was thinking about my sons, and how diffrent they are. Nathan was born a little serious man. He quietly took in everything around him, until one day, it all changed. I was trying to nail down the change, and I came up with it..it is so simple. I took my son to see his pediatrician at 10 days old for the dreaded, horrible procedure a man can ever endure. Circumsision. I think what inclines us to do such a thing to a newborn. It must be the aliens:)For me I guess it wasn't such a religious thing, but I felt bad for the boy. What life would be like...with an uncircumsized penis?? That in itself looks like an alien attachment. It just ain't right looking.
The pediatrician, a beautiful woman, takes my son. I can hear his screams down the hallway out into the waiting room. I want to run to him, what have I done, I thought. What seems like hours later, he comes back into my arms, and his beautiful tan skin...is pale white. The woman doctor is smiling. Did she feellike she got some sort of payback for all of womankind? He is clammy and he just wants comfort, so he does what any man does...he goes for the breast. He is sobbing still in between eating his lunch, and finally he passes out. From that moment on, I think was the point he became an angry child. Someone had taken away a wee little part of his manhood!

Son #2. I took him in to see his male doctor, same circumstances, and I was more nervous this time. Michael was born screaming and never stopped, so it was no suprise to hear his crying down the hallway. The Doctor hands him over to me, but he seems like he is more agony than my son. The physician was pale with beads of sweat all around his brow. I had never seen him like that, not even when my daughter had swollowed a quarter. There was no panic then...but this...this was amazing. I could tell he just wanted to grab his manhood to make sure it was still there after inflicting pain on another male. Michael turned out fine, but he is a mama's boy. was there not enough pain? Did the physician experience more than the child? Ha!

After that point comes the potty training. The majority of this I was a single mom for my last son. Nathan was "trained" by my x husband. Nathan learned how to aim early. I hold truth to the fact that he became a great baseball, football, basketball player because of it. Michael however was trained by me and I must say, I did a lousy job. He still cannot see to aim in the toilet but all around it. To strenthen my point of earlier...he is a horrible baseball, basketball, football player. He cannot aim. AT ALL.

The anger has bitter roots I think and it has taken Nathan 11 years to calm down. However, just when he has become non agressive...puberty sets in, and the penis becomes...his god. I am no longer allowed to come into his room without knocking. He is so embarrassed for me to see him in a towel after he comes out of the bathroom. The Penis does have it's own security system however. When it is cold or scared or hurt..it hides into it's shell. When it is excited, it stands up and sometimes wags. It sleeps..and most are morning oriented..very happy in the morning. It has it's own brain that even the owner cannot control, in fact, it controls the one wearing it.
So in essence, time has proven to be a false positive of the "calming down" period.

Maybe when he gets older, he wont be so upset. BUT as men age, much like my B, they tend to talk in a frustrating voice to their manhood to "wake up, get with the program" and are in dire embarassment if he it stuck in "secure" mode. This frustration can lead a man to be even more irratable and moody because the feel like their "god" has betrayed them after all of the valuable years together. It no longer controls them, and they can't control it. It just wont listen. The manhood has becoe hard of hearing, and possibly even blind. It no longer wags, looks around for action, or wants to come out and play. It just lies there a little to the left, like a couch potato, much like it's owner. They make little blue pills now to try and put him in the state of his youthful adventures. The owner takes it greedly, knowing that, this...is it.




Schotzy said...

Hello hon, I just read your post on the PQ's blog and came over for a visit. That was soooooo funny and as a mother of sons I can really relate and appreciate the humor. S

AlmightyHeidi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.