The "other" planets

I have several Alien planets whch I frequent quite often, one of which is my work. I have written about it in previous posts.

People who never get carried away should be.
- Malcolm Forbes


I have not said anything to negative about the big boss lately King Charles as he has really not been a Royal pain at all lately. He has his moments, but truly nothing to entertaining to write about.
I however have become my own worst enemy. Here are my stories.

There is a co-worker who calls up changing his voice to pull jokes on me all the time on the phone. The other morning I get a strange phone call. I answer. "Blah Blah Blah this is Heidi how can I help you??" It is 8 o'clock in the freggin morning and the phones have started up in full force, the coffee that tastes like stale hose water has not yet brewed. "Uh...yeah, I need you to get my ..uh...TV" It was odd the way he put eveything into words so being in the service department I ask..."Sir is it..uhh..broke?" And he says "You don't know who this is do you?!!" and for that instant I thought it was my co-worker "You JERK your such an As..." But before I could spit the obscenity fully out of my mouth he says "This is Mr. Sweeny" "Oh Noo" I think. "I am so fired" I think.

The phone is silent for a moment as I realized I just called a very highly regarded client a Jerk and almost an ass. I apologize over and over explaining that " You see, I have this co-worker...and um sometimes he calls me and plays jokes on me...and umm" He errupts in laughter as he can absolutly feel the pain of my sruggle not to lose my job.

I am by far the queen of workplace mishaps. You think I would learn. I am on the same planet, my work and I get a page that Line 2 is Bruce. Bruce is my other half who calls me once a day to make sure I am not lying in the fetal position under my desk. I answer the phone "Hey honey bunches, how are you doin?" Ok...so in public I would never be caught dead talking all sweet and mushy. So I get a reply..."Ummm, well, uhh, not so good, my dvd player is not functioning??"
Ok, this is not My Bruce but sme other Bruce. He took it well. He did tell me however, that if I were to treat every customer ever so nicely, he was sure that we would get more customers.

Another alien planet about 10 years ago. Longhorn steaks. I was waitressing. I had just had my son and was back to work. A couple was sitting in my "section" whe I notice the girl after her meal was gently rubbing her round belly, like I did when I was pregant with my son.. I want to share "baby stories" so I open the conversation ever so sweetly saying "Awww, when are you due?" she says "what" so i think she didn't catch me. "How far along are you 5 1/2 6 months?? I just had a baby myself"
Silence. Then I know I commited the unpardonable sin. I am Sooo dead. Her boyfreind errupts in loud laughter. She gives me "the look".
"OH MY GOD" I think. then "OH MY GOD" I think again. I need to run...fast.

In the end they leave the table and he comes back to leave me a really BIG tip.