"A dream that is not interpreted is like a letter that has not been opened." - Talmud
Ok, Just let me clairfy one thing here real quick. I am off the pain meds from my back being hurt. That is Important to note as you will wonder what i am "on" after reading the dream.
So here it is, a glimpse in to Heidi's subconcious:
I dream my painting, and then I paint my dreams. - Vincent van Gogh
I was in a place that was not heaven or eart, an in between.I could not see him, but I felt him. It was warmth. I asked him who his was and he said he was Joseph. My sons middle name is Joseph, and I told him that was weird so I could be making this up, he said no he was my protector, he loves me and he has been with me since I have been born. He was an Angel. His voice had this amazing calming effect that I cannot put into words. Then we had a conversation that went like this:
At one time I heard as a baby that you choose your parents, "Is this true?" I asked. "Yes" he answered. "Why?" "It just is" I knew that this answer was this was exactly what was meant, that is the way it just is. Then I asked "Why have I had so much pain in my life" Again, it "Is". "There is a path" he said. "You must go down your path" "Why" I ask, "Because it is your path, and only your path"
"Do you like being an angel?"I said. "Yes" "Would you rather be something else?" "Yes" he answered, taking me a bit by suprise. "What then?" He said "Human" "Why?" I asked thinking of all human pain verses...being an Angel. He said "Love" Love? I thought "You said that you loved me earlier, how is that then?"He said that "In heaven all is Love, but understanding the love between an man and a woman is hard for us to understand". "Are you going to get into trouble for telling me this? " I said. "Probably" and I smiled, thinking that Angels could get in trouble. "I made you smile" he said embraceing the human emotion.
Then he showed me something: I was on an operating table, having surgery on my injured back. Somehow I already had a vision of what was going to happen so I told the anesthesiologist that something may happen, but it was going to be ok. When I awoke from surgery and I was in recovery I asked the nurse "Do you believe in heaven because I just went there please get a pen and write this down so I don't forget" She hurridly got a pen. I start rambling as if not to forget anything.I went to heaven and there was this immense blue light. I was told this by someone other than Joseph, or more like it was just knowing something. I was told My son Michael was "happiness", my daughter was the "sun" and Nathan my middle child was "the moon" (whatever that means) I asked if I will ever find my own happiness and they said yes.Then I am back with Joseph... Will it be soon? "No" Will my children be ok?" "They have there own Angels, I talk to them, they will be ok."I then saw a vision of millions of people praying to God, and I asked how does he hear my prayers and he said "It IS" and I said how?? He answers "There are some things you can't fathom yet." I just want to say that his voice was so calm and his answers as frustrating as they may seem now...were just enough. Then My dream comes to an end and he gives me a warning. Again, so calm, and I was never afraid. " You are sick.They will take blood from you in the hospital and be confused. Three motnhs later they will take more blood and you will know you are sick, but you will be ok"
I thanked the nurse for writing it down, as she decides to take blood, and I see in her eyes after this conversation she is saddened, and I know what to say: I tell her that I saw her father and she was wondering if he went to heaven, and he is ok. She wept.
That my friends is the end of the dream.
A dream is an answer to a question we haven't learned to ask.
- Dana Scully
I have not ever been a "Guardian angel" person, with like angels on my desk, or pictures of them around my house, I never really give them a second thought. I belive in heaven, and hell and god, and once I was caught up in the whole church thing before it became like it was a business, while the people inside it themselves were hurting in their own lives so badly, the people around you just put on the "christian smile" and go along their way.No I'm not bitter:) I just don't know where to "go" with religion anymore. But if I do die, and come back to life to tell you all about it I will let you know. I do miss the peaceful calm I had in that dream.
I suppose we have to weigh all this out with the fact that just a few weeks ago I had a dsiturbing dream about Santa's elves being grown men, wearing only green speedos, wings and high heels. I still have not figured that one out.