10/31/2005

The Motheship Spinning out of Control

Ok, so I missed a reader, wow, now I feel sort of famous. So this next blog will be dedicated to her. You to for the cost of only $19.99 can have a blog dedication and it will come with a free set of ginsu knives.....ok 9.99 plus tax...oh alright just comment and I will make a freggin dedication to you, unless you are a spammer, or are like a sick-o pervert, in which case I will give you a piece of my mind.

Here is todays dedication: http://thefoamingmoan.blogspot.com/ At first, I'm thinking my god what on earth is a foaming moan?? I am not sure, but I could really use the moan part of it sooner or later. I particulary like her blog because she is a teacher. One of her blogs that caught my eye is titled: "It's Just Too Fucking Early On a Friday Morning". Amen sister. Wow, I never heard a teacher talk like that and I think it's great. Could you imagine growing up going to school wit a teacher like that "Damn-it, I told you to shut up now sit your ass down" We would have fell over in shock. None of this I'm going to stick you in time out crap. Therefore she has made me a fan. Congrats Foaming Moan lady. You get my number one Woman vote.

Ok today we will write about men since that is my number one favorite subject, and it is to complement what the foaming moan had said in hers today.

I have a therory that all boys, will turn out in the end to be a useless man (my number one favorite blog) in one sort or another. They are genetically dispositioned to be this way. For instance...let's use the senses as an example.

Sight: As boys they will go for the fasteset toy car, the biggest piece of candy, and they don't understand what the big deal is if they can't remember the last month they brushed their teeth.
As Men: They will go for the fastest car, the biggest piece of candy...if you know what I'm sayin, and personal hygeine would not be an issue, but if they want "candy" they know they must take a shower sooner or later to get some.

Sound: As boys: Yes they did like the "Wheels on the bus go round and round" and they will repeat it over and over and over again, untill it is stuck in your head for all eternity.They will pretend to sing in their imaginary micropohne which is actually a slimy apple sauce covered spoon.
As Men: If they could make the "wheels on the bus" into a hard rock song they would. They must always have the music loud, and play on their imaginary guitar, keyboard, or pretend hand held microphone which still could have slimy applesauce running down it.

Touch: As boys: Ladies we all know our sons are mama's boys. There is a bond between a mother and son that is unbreakable. When they are little they want to hold your hand always, snuggle,and always want to be in your lap and have the most attetion.
As Men: They forget how to hold hands, or to snuggle. But they always want you to be on their lap, and have the most attention. (Made myself laugh on that one.)

Taste: As boys: They will eat anything and are considered human garbage disposals. If they don't like a particular thing they spit it out and give the most sour face you have ever seen in you life. If you make them eat it, they have a temper tantrum.If they like it they grunt happily wanting more, and eat more untill the little bellys are about to burst.
As men: They will eat anything and are considered human garbage disposals. If you mention to them that they are having something other than meat and potatoes, they are havin curried chicken with a vegtable rice pilaf, and a healthy whear bread and salad....they give you the most sour face you have ever seen and have a temper tantrum. If they like the meal they will grunt happily wanting more, only to land on the couch, with one hand in the pants laying on the couch with an over extended belly.

Smell:As boys: They sincerly dont know why they can't wear something out of the laundry bin that has been there 8 days underneath wet towels. Their feet will ever constantly stink and thi oder might float out of thier room into the hallway untill you say "My god what is that smell" it really smells like something died. That however does not come from just shoes alone mind you. The other son, and eldest male of the household decided to have a burping and farting contest while playing x box. These are the times that try womens souls, and you have to decide if you are going to grab the car keys and drive to Montanta never coming home again. When you get the french vanilla room spray out, the man species turns their noses up, wondering what that smell is in disgust.
As Men: They complain they have no clean clothes, but what they have not figured out yet is that you are on strike. They grab what ever shirt they can find it, sniff it and put it on. Then you find him with the children trying to burp the alphabet, and any bodily noise the louder it is, the more proud
they are.

Gotta run..

Heidi

2 comments:

schaumi said...

Your blog, almightiestheidi, makes me laugh.
If I could figure out how to do the friggin' link thing, I'd link you.

happyandblue2 said...

I think you have males figured out pretty much, ha,ha..