2/10/2006

Aliens are really little green guys

When ever anyone thinks of an alien, they are always a little "green guy". This now solidifies my theory that men...are indeed aliens, and if they have invaded my brain, no wonder I am losing my mind.
Now, seeing as we are nearing valentines day, I, the Almighty Heidi will write about...men...love, and relationships.

Once upon a time there was a little guy....and it is a guy, in a diaper, with a bow shooting people with an arrow in hopes of adjoining two people with true love. Aparently this boy named cupid, must have walked out from the nearest psyciatric facility....in hopes of landing other people in the facility, so that if he did have to go back he would have someone to talk to. We all know love causes madness. However, watch your backs all you single, and sometimes not single, (this is where the cupid guy screws it up) he is still on the loose.

True history lesson:

Valentines day supposedly comes from the time when a roman preist outlawed marraige. (I think they should have kept this law), and a preist was marring couples in secret. It later became a fertility festival.

Here are the tips on having a good relationship:

1. Communication: I read this somewhere and it said to "take the time to know your other half" Well my right side looks exactally like my left, except for the fact that My left foot is strangly bigger than my right.
Now, if they are talking about that someone special, what are you doing with that person, if you don't know who they are? I'm picturing a woman and man in bed, the man rolls over and says.."what is your name again?" this sounds more like a one night stand, but if it happens to be your spouse, or girlfriend, be prepared to be hit upside the head, and all your belongings out on the front lawn.

2. Let this person know you are there one and only lover. You think?? What if all men were honest? " Honey, just so you know, I love you just as much as Linda."

3. Remember to have alone time. Men consider alone time, any sport on tv...which can take up an entire evening. If they do not like hockey, they will watch it to get out of taking out the garbage. Women consider alone time a hot bublebath and a good book. If the man and woman cannot see eye to eye on the likes and dislikes of eachother, there may be years of "alone time" that is given on the couch.

4. Boundaries: Remember to set clear boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationship. We set them, so men can forget them. "Tina told me that you and Ralph went to a strip bar last night"
No sweetie....we went and ate New york strip, and had a drink at the bar" Ladies, you all know they know that we know everything.

If you don't like any of these "relationship tips" I did find a few interesting ones on ..."How to have a good relationship with you veternarian" and also one for the mother in law. I think perhaps these might come in handy seeing as if your man gets out of hand you could go and have him fixed, or send him back to live with his mother.

Ok it's been a rough week, that is all the male bashing i could muster up.

Happy Valentines day.

7 comments:

Gary said...

So how did the project turn out? Did you get an A?

BTW, maybe that man was telling the truth. Maybe he did go to a real bar. Then LATER he went to a strip bar.

schaumi said...

Yeah, so did you get an A? I got an A on my 3rd graders biography report. The aliens in my house have all been sick and have dragged me down with them....

AlmightyHeidi said...

yYes the Almighty Heidi got an A, and my son got a valuble life lesson to always let his mother help him with his projects!!

I try and instill these valuable morals into my childrens lives.

:)

Scahumi- Green aliens, always have green snot, watch out:)

Gary- Thank you as always for your comments.

happyandblue2 said...

So many good tips with this post. Perhaps I will use them as soon as the hockey game ends..

Partners in crime said...

good advice, but please visit me and give me some specific answers!

happyandblue2 said...

Happy Valentines Day..

Tige said...

I think I'm from Mars.