6/03/2006

Ahhhh Male Bashing

I have promised a blog on male bashing, honestly I am way overdue.

***Disclaimer***
It is only right that any male reading this blog may suffer severe side effects, that includes, but not limeted to: Extreme ego senstivity, outbursts of anger, anal itching, testosterone imbalances, male brests, penis shrinkge (made myself laugh...remember the Seinfeild episode...shringkinge, it was just shrinkage), and the overwhelming need to drink beer and scratch.

Bumper stickers: If all men are idiots I married their king

All women who strive to be equal to men lack ambition

Few women admit there age, few men act it.

Cats: The other white meat (written on a big redneck truck)

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

Ok, now my favorite...scientific facts about men:

Healthday reports that the germans have come up with a name that basically means takingpleasure in another persons pain, which tends to be be present in only the male brain called: schadenfreude. Basically they hooked males and females up to an MRI. After seeing images of people getting pain (that was presented in the individual was bad an deserved to be punished) the males brain tended to light up in the 'reward areas' of there brain, as if something very good had happened and the womans did not respond in the same way.

This leads me to the sadistic side of men: I am a bad boy...spank me...need I say more about that part without getting completly pornographic. Then, we can go another way in this...the co-worker who alwys takes pleasure in anothers downfall...we have one in our office and he is a male, and looks for a chance for people to fail. Does a man take pleasure when his wife fails...does this bring him some sense of renound pleasure? Hmmmm. I sure hope not because that brings male bashing to a whole other extreme, but we as women, know that men always must be right, thus us being ultimatly wrong.

Fox news recently reported that Autisim might be related to the "extreme' male brain. What they mean by this is the mans ability to analize, and have a low level of empathy. Many children with autism are seen as very emotionless creatures, extremly bright in the thinking processes, and less in the creative. I think most me need to look up Empathy in the dictionary. Here I will help: Empathy: The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

I call my middle son 'Rainman" because he just wwont let something go, for instance if it is mentioned that we are going to the movies, he has made up his mind and we are already going. Empathy, is a word most men do not understand unless they are gay. It is a whole diffrent alien language that leaves them uncomfortable and questioning ther manhood., thus, I think all men are autistic.

Male depression tends to be more life threatning in men than women, here are the symptoms to watch for according to the Mayo Clinic:

1. Become Angry and Frustrated (this about covers 100% of the male population on planet earth)

2. Behave violently....(bad male, bad bad male)

3. Take serious risks such as careless driving, or extra-marital affair.
Ok, 98% of men drivelike maniacs, they like to keep in touch with their inner speed demon/fanasy race car driver. And...M-o-N-O-G-A-M-Y. This is another word that does not exsist, or is hard to find in the male dictionary, listed right up there with empathy.

4. Avoid family, friends or avoids pleasurable activity. Ok ladies, what man says honey, lets go see you mom this weekend. I think not. However, if he is no longer taking part of the pleasurable activities with you...see #3.

5. Complains of fatigue. Hmmm..ever heard I'm too tired to take out the trash?? Yup, this is on the edge of suicidal here.

6. Does not enjoy work, loses intrest in hobbies and sex.
Does any one really like their job??If a man is not doing his favorite hobbies..channel surfing, scratching in all the wrong places, eating cheetos, and belching..please stop now and call 911. As far as the sex goes I refer again to #3.


I know this is alot to digest, so I leave you all to contemplate, untill the next male bashing. All comments welcome>

The Almighty Heidi

9 comments:

happy and blue 2 said...

This is totally made up of lies. It just made me so angry to rea..ha, a squirrel just fell out of the tree. I think it's really hurt itself this time. Ha,ha,ha..
I have to go scratch myself then take a nap. Stupid squirrel. That will teach it, ha,ha,ha..

AlmightyHeidi said...

Oh poor little squirrel:)

Nighty night happy...hope you get that scratch:) You made me laugh

X. Dell said...

Were I paranoid, I'd believe that between the tag and this, you were out to get me.

That's if I were paranoid.

I experienced none of the side effects you listed at top, although I did have an urge to scratch my ankle.

AlmightyHeidi said...

Hmmm no side effects? I must do a better job of bashing then next time.

If you were paranoid...well that is a common effect of being a child of the 60's which I think you are right?

schaumi said...

Heidi, the only side effects I had were an intense desire to clap and cheer and say hear, hear...


T'is good to be WOman.. ;)

Lady Lux said...

LOL!!!!...I suuure love being a woman!!

X. Dell said...

It's only common if you dropped acid in the '60s. I dropped all the acid I cared to in he 1970s: hydrochloric, sulfuric, ascorbic, etc.

Anonymous said...

Interesting website with a lot of resources and detailed explanations.
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Anonymous said...

hehe. what a retard feminist bitch! stolen bumper stickers!