I have come to a point that I cannot live my life in fear. After having a bundle of life experiences, you then have fear then of what could happen, or is going to happend because of a similar experience. It is human nature to say "Ow, I put my hand n the hot stove, I am not going to do that again" So we don't. Or emotions are much the same way.

Well, soon after this "Almighty" Epiphiany, let me tell you what happened.

A. The car broke down
B. I had back surgery that was a bitch
C. 2 days after my surgery, my father goes into the hospital with a heart attack.
D. Our landlord calls and says he is selling the house. Yesterday the realator came by, to put it on the market.
E. Today I find out, the first surgery failed, the disk is out again, and I have to have fusion for an unstable spine.

I want my mommy. Fuck this shit.

(Pardon my language)

How the hell am I going to move afer a spinal fusion...in a really retarded looking back brace? Where am I going to move? Where am I going to find a cute pair of shoes to match my retarded brace, and how am I expected to paint my toenails? These are the most important questions.

So, then I try and go back into some sort of self soothing and tell myself it is all going to be alright, there is a reason for everything, eat chocolate, blah blah blah.That didn't work, so I think again Fuck THIS!! It's time to break out the Captain Morgan.

(Language...I know, i'm just a bit pissed and am having 'a moment' here)

So then I think about it some more.....as it is obsessing my mind. It's like having a baby..you have one baby, it hurts like hell, and you say, wow, I will never do THAT AGAIN. Then, you have too much Captain Morgan, and bam, there's another one on the way. (made myself laugh) The last month you are in a state of panic, remembering the pain of child birth, and it FREAKS YOU OUT.... (male bashing for the day) if you'r a man...you really don't KNOW what pain is, so how can you even empathize?but....

....but this time they say they are going to to permatly affix metal appliances in your back, a long with a cadaver bone...gross, a dead persons bone, and it is going to hurt so much more....oh and did I mention I have to fucking move???? Will I be able to demand a years worth of morphine please?? How bout a hot caban boy to move my stuff...yeah with a little leopard thong and a big......box

Ok so I was going to write about phobias today....and I just vented, I will post about them later, seeing as I will have 4-6 weeks of unpaid time on my hands, I wont even be able to SHOP, along with trying to become a hooker to pay for ...the move....and for the stress spending I am going to do with my friend while very intoxicated and on pain medicine.(No I won't be driving, but I may moon someone, just cause I want to)



schaumi said...

Geesh, Heidi. You sure are having a streak of bad luck. All i can offer is platitudes like hang in there, this too shall pass, you have a strong spirit, etc. what a bunch of bull shit. doesn't help you one bit. so in spirit i am going to stand right beside you all holler FUCK THAT SHIT! GIVE HER A FUCKING BREAK, ALRIGHT ALREADY!


and what kind of friggin' evil inconsiderate landlord do you have anyways?

AlmightyHeidi said...

Made me laugh!! FUCK THIS!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid mother fucker landlord....

ahhh I feel better already.

schaumi said...


what a fucking bastard he is. tell him to go eat cow manure...

happy and blue 2 said...

I'm not supposed to swear. Sorry..
I can say that it isn't $%!$#!%!% fair. And your landlord is a #@$@!#$ mo @#$!$! and you should tell the doctors to @#%! %!%!!% and @!%!$..
BTW, I do know what pain is like. I had a sliver in my finger once that made me cry for a week. Then it fell out..

Lady Lux said...

You know what Heidi??..My landlord is a fucking asshole as well!...She has no intention of honoring our contract and after two stupid months of dilly dallying with her I'm fially taking off this fucking end of the month with nowhere fucking to go...Pluss!!!.....I need a fucking 4 months advance worth of cash...which I don't fucking have right now....and some bullshit lady just told me to piss off this morning!...Yaaah....breeeathing...breaaathing here!!!!

Life can sometimes be a shit...


Lady Lux said...

ummm...shit is a mas noun so it has to be...

"life can be a mound of shit!..."

sowiii..I taught that in class this morning....the nouns...not the shit...

schaumi said...

lux's evil landlady can eat cow manure too...

AlmightyHeidi said...

Yes...all landlords should eat SHIT!!!!! Fuckers.

Oooh this is good therapy, we should start a class.
Heidi's therapy:

Rainypete said...

I have aphobia. I'm afraid you'll get that morphine then we'll see some really freaky posts. This one was tame.

Good morning class and welcome to therapeutic expletives with Heidi. Now sit the FUCK DOWN AND GET READY TO LEARN ...... FUCKERS!!

AlmightyHeidi said...

Pete and blue....i didnt know you had it in you!!!!

Lady Lux said...


Delaleuverses said...

Heidi, wow, that's a lot to digest. I was reading this and shaking my head, I feel for you and yes go ahead vent it out, you need to. The funny part is about you not being able to become a hooker to pay for the move, lol, now that was funny. On a serious note, take it one day at a time and breathe. I'm sure you have family and friends who will show their support just let it be known that you need help and say it loud and clear :)

Gary said...

I really do sympathise with you. You are having way more than your share of bad luck.

I have had bad back pain, but luckily mine went away with rest and muscle relaxers.

I hope things improve for you soon.

X. Dell said...

(1) Seeing that this injury has threaten your finances, and that the botched surgery compounded this dilemna, has anyone close to you uttered the word "malpractice?"

(2) I don't care how much you like the guy, can't you tell that Captain Morgan to keep his pistols holstered?

(And yes, I realize that it's a brand of booze).

(3) I hope your father's doing okay.

(4) Lemme see if I got this straight: you have to have a bone transplant of some type? From a non-living donor, no less?

Hmm. You might be in a position to haunt yourself.

(5) If you have to go to a hospital, it might as well be a Florida hospital--after all, it makes going there seem more like a vacation.

(6) If these drugs make you want to moon someone, are there other drugs that make people want to take a picture of you mooning someone?

Just curious.

Best of luck. My thoughts are with you.