I have come to a point that I cannot live my life in fear. After having a bundle of life experiences, you then have fear then of what could happen, or is going to happend because of a similar experience. It is human nature to say "Ow, I put my hand n the hot stove, I am not going to do that again" So we don't. Or emotions are much the same way.
Well, soon after this "Almighty" Epiphiany, let me tell you what happened.
A. The car broke down
B. I had back surgery that was a bitch
C. 2 days after my surgery, my father goes into the hospital with a heart attack.
D. Our landlord calls and says he is selling the house. Yesterday the realator came by, to put it on the market.
E. Today I find out, the first surgery failed, the disk is out again, and I have to have fusion for an unstable spine.
I want my mommy. Fuck this shit.
(Pardon my language)
How the hell am I going to move afer a spinal fusion...in a really retarded looking back brace? Where am I going to move? Where am I going to find a cute pair of shoes to match my retarded brace, and how am I expected to paint my toenails? These are the most important questions.
So, then I try and go back into some sort of self soothing and tell myself it is all going to be alright, there is a reason for everything, eat chocolate, blah blah blah.That didn't work, so I think again Fuck THIS!! It's time to break out the Captain Morgan.
(Language...I know, i'm just a bit pissed and am having 'a moment' here)
So then I think about it some more.....as it is obsessing my mind. It's like having a baby..you have one baby, it hurts like hell, and you say, wow, I will never do THAT AGAIN. Then, you have too much Captain Morgan, and bam, there's another one on the way. (made myself laugh) The last month you are in a state of panic, remembering the pain of child birth, and it FREAKS YOU OUT.... (male bashing for the day) if you'r a man...you really don't KNOW what pain is, so how can you even empathize?but....
....but this time they say they are going to to permatly affix metal appliances in your back, a long with a cadaver bone...gross, a dead persons bone, and it is going to hurt so much more....oh and did I mention I have to fucking move???? Will I be able to demand a years worth of morphine please?? How bout a hot caban boy to move my stuff...yeah with a little leopard thong and a big......box
Ok so I was going to write about phobias today....and I just vented, I will post about them later, seeing as I will have 4-6 weeks of unpaid time on my hands, I wont even be able to SHOP, along with trying to become a hooker to pay for ...the move....and for the stress spending I am going to do with my friend while very intoxicated and on pain medicine.(No I won't be driving, but I may moon someone, just cause I want to)