Numbness and tingling.....

My daughter got out of the hospital about a month ago. She was in an accident and hurt her back. She had broke her back in three places and herniated a disk. Now after physical therapy , lotsof pain and numbness and tingling,and what not it looks as though she will be having a spinal fusion done.

I just had that done not to long ago, and it hurts like hell. It's not fair to have my daughter go through this. It's just not. Did I piss the gods off?

So my gut tells me this will happen sometime in December, it's going to be a very bad Christmas finacially. Very bad.However I did buy a scratch off ticket and won 2 dollars. Woohoo...I told you guys I would win the lotto.

My mom is leaving to go to M.O. to get married in July to her "boyfriend" that she just left my dad for 2 months ago. the whole thing is insane, but she does not care. There is the inner child in me feeling so totally abandoned. It's crazy. All these alien feelings, and well..mainly just pissed for hurting my father so much. I have not spoken to her, nor do I feel like Ican or want to. In my heart is this numb spot where I feel like shes..dead to me. I cna't help it, just the way I feel.

My brother is bailing to Japan, the lucky bastard...for three years, so by the time he gets back everyone will have gone through all there stuff, and things will be back to our dysfunctional norm. I would go with him, but I don't think the 2 bucks from the lotto will cover it. I wish I could run away too..

the good thing is, when I feel like this, I write ALOT. I started a new book today, one that came to me this morning.It's a bout a couple who have met each other many times over many lives. Have you ever felt like when you met someone for the first time(and I am not talking about the LOVE word here nessasarily..like freindship more like) that you have known them forever? I would hope that if there were such things, I would know my kids, and my brother over and over again...anyways, it gets my creative juices flowing. My own outlet out of the world of pain, into a written world that I can control. It's like the old books "Choose your own adventure". I Loved those books.You got several endings you could choose from for the characters in the books.

I think in real life we can choose only so much. Kayla would have never chose a fusion. I chose some bad relationships, but I did not know they were going to be bad at the time. Where is my fortune teller? My life is not like "Choose your own adventure" it is more like "Madlibs". not sure of what the outcome will be, but it might have to do with a green hopping cow. (Just google madlibs for godsake...you'll understand!)

Anyways, I am off to write something, and look at it later, and be my own worst enemy and hate it in the end. :)




foam said...

i'm so sorry your daughter hurt her back like that.
i know that as parents we would rather take on all the pain that our children experience. i hope she heals quickly. maybe having young bones will help.

a 2 dollar win? that should buy you a quarter cup of astarbucks coffee, huh? :)

you mom must really be in love to go off like that. at least i hope she is. i do hope that time will heal the pain that this seperation has cost.

actually, there's been a few people i've met who i've felt like i've known forever ... throughout the ages, although something like that probably doesn't exist. but it's an interesting concept..

i do hope you have a good thanksgiving, heidi.
... and ... are you gonna post excerpts from your book? .. :)

AlmightyHeidi said...

Foam..interesting concept...about the book. I had not thought of it. Writing to me is so deeply personal..some characters show me, so putting it out there..i feel..naked!
But I think I just might. I am looking forward to working on it more this weekend. I let my son read some, and he was like..that's it? What happens next? He can't wait for more, so that got me excited, thats the response I was not expecting, and it felt so good:)

MaQuade said...

We've talked about most of what you've written here- but not this:

Interesting concept for the book! Have you read the Celestine Prophecy books? It's been a few years since I read them, but they were thought provoking! Also- a movie called 'Defending Your Life', if you haven't seen it, was quite good.

My support and 2 cents :)