Sooooo..it is thanksgiving, and let's just say..im pretty well captain morganed up...woohoo. The sad point is my kids are already tryptophaned and asleep..and I am alone..allllllll alone. Lonely..yup.
My dad came over and that was good, but my mom was kind enough to leave him the day befroe, so he is pretty crushed, Thnks mom.
that was really sweet.
Mr. incompetant. mr i don't care about you, me i don't have any feelings, was pretty much in the room all day.whatever
But then I think to myself..maybe this is all there really is, what if this was really it. What if all realtionships are this way, they are all good in the beggining, because you want to see the best in each other, but it bombsout in the end. WTF.
Maybe i have the cindreella syndrome. Maybe mr wonderful does not really exsist. That is so sad. that fucking sucks.
I know its not all wine and roses..but...
Maybe I will be the pathetic lady..with pugs..living all alone in the end.
For tonight I just quit...quit thinking, I want to but there is this big empty part of me that I just don't know if it will ever be filled.

So this leaves me to a list, because I am a list maker after all

1. I want it all
2. I f I am ever sick or in the hospital or whatever..damnit, I am at my most vulnerable. The strong in me realizes I am just human. I want someone to tell me it will be ok...and bring me soup..and help with the house.
3. Don't tell me what to do with my children if you are going to be a fly on the wall..you have not earned the right. When you are involved with my children, and you care, then you can offer your opinion.
4. Romance..god where has that gone???
6. Love. When shit hits the fan..well I am a woman, I need a pair of big strong arms to tell me it's gonna be ok damnit.\
7. finacially responsible,, I do want to have a real home one day. I need to be secure..I want to build something with you.
8. Dinner every now and then not cooked by me
9. Appreciation. I work damn hard, you might make more than me, but that does not make me less than you.
10. Never hit, never emotionally abuse, If you feel resentful because of the responsibility because of me, and my children, and the responsibility is too much, do me a favor, and just leave.

Shit, maybe this is too much for one guy to handle.

and bless the man that can.....and if you can't don't pretend that you can, Do the girl a favor.

1 comment:

MaQuade said...


This sort of helps 'flesh out' how bad the night was. We've talked about all the events, but you never mentioned in THIS sort of detail where your heart and your head went. Maybe I should have picked up on it?

You can have all those things you want. Maybe not exactly the way you picture it Cinderella, but then who wants to fight THAT hair-do every damn morning??? Besides... she was AWFUL twiggy lookin'.

On a lighter note... better the Pug lady than the Cat lady!