Dedicated to "Kat" my grandmother..who I miss so much today.
Here's a great mellow song that I had to take a warm bath to after writing this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LWpw3CMCEg
I went looking for a new place this weekend...and there is still no match to what I have in my head and heart, and what I can afford. I wish I had a thousand dollars more, for deposits and movers, and life would be good, but I don't so I am keeping my eyes open. I still have not found job number two yet and today I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.
There is a comfort I think a woman has in having a home, making it hers for her family. For me it is a protective thing to, I don't like maintenance men coming in while I am not there..something about strangers is icky to me.
So until I can put some roots down in a new home, I feel uprooted and restless. I really think it is a woman secure thing.
I went to my room to lie down for a few minutes, my back was bothering me after cleaning, and I snuggled up under the covers for ahwile, trying to make the world stop for a moment and then I started talking to my grandmother.
Silly part....shes not living...but I feel like she hears me..and if not..well..
Kathleen, my grandmother was such a great life planner, financial planner, organizer, super woman type, I just felt like I could use her help.
So as im talking out loud I could see her tapping her fingernail on the table and pouring out advice...along with a steaming cup of coffee.
Grandma was a giving woman too..she would have been right there making sure I had everything I needed and more. She soo loved to give, and I how I wish I can be like her. It brought her so much joy.
That was who she was...boy I miss her right now.
I need the advice..and a good cup o joe.
It is amazing how holding a warm cup in your hand of tea or coffee, amongst good friends and family has healing calming powers..
unless of course you have 5 cups :)
More than anything...could sure just use a hug..and a look in the eye that says everything is gonna be ok...that is what she was best at.
Love Almighty Heidi