5/24/2010

Dance With Me




Magic

Having faith that everything will be all right
When the world around you is so wrong.
Trying to see into the crystal ball of my soul
Predicting its future with hopefulness
Not listening to the false prophets of my mind
speaking fear

Dance with me
under the moonlight
raising you hands to the sky

Contagious joy
cuaght by the wind
creates the magic
that makes the fear fall away.



Do you ever feel like you keep treading water, faster and faster feeling like at any minute you will drown? I have this feeling everyday…like I’m just waiting to break..to lose all self control and someone may just have to find me under my desk in the rocking in the fetal position…”Yup she’s finally cracked” I would hear them say as I get taken away in a straight jacket. Im thinking of having a custom made one just in case. You can get that on eBay right?



On the way to work I caught myself as I scanned my body looking for some sort of sign that it’s is going to begin..the cracking… “Nope not yet”
I think that it has not happened yet…because I can see a glimmer of the light sometimes, the magic...the good stuff.


Thursday I was given a gift that enabled me to get all the food and supplements I needed for my daughters surgery since she will be on a liquid diet for a few months since her jaw will be wired shut. It also helped provide some cake and pizza for her 19th birthday tomorrow...this was truly magic...seriously. I had only 5 dollars left in my checking account.

Some more of the glimmer..Friday my children decided to go with me to the free music in the park. It is an event my community puts on every week that I’m so thankful for. We fed the turtles and there were about 50 in the water, and about a dozen ducks came to compete. It was really kind of neat. The breeze was blowing and it was the perfect night. My son even smiled a few times. I loved having my family around.



Little kids usually get up and dance all over to the music.. ...just having a good ol time, and its adorable to watch. This particular night there were two twin adult boys that were mentally handicapped. I’ve seen them before.
They had pure, pure, intoxicating joy.
I watched them clap and dance under the moonlight, not caring what anyone thought.
I found myself so jealous of that happiness bubbling up. If I could just feel a handful of that joy for just a moment..then I realized that I was smiling, and what they had was contagious, I felt the magic...another gift to my soul ..that blooms hope.


~Almighty Heidi
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

2 comments:

Christine Robinson said...

It'll come. I KNOW it'll come. I've been where you are. I've been there, Heidi. God, you think you really WILL break while you're waiting. So many years, it seems, in survival mode. That's life, though, you know. Think about where you are and where you've been. Maybe it seems out of balance at the moment, but everything changes. Life happens, goes on, progresses. If you want change, change will come. YOu're always working toward that. Believe, believe, believe... even on the hardest f-ing days.

And when you find you simply CANNOT believe, reach out. Reach... and you'll find that others will show you the way in those lost moments. We all need that.

You're so gifted. You're making a difference. That's something. You're struggling, but still you're giving. That is something.

Christine

AlmightyHeidi said...

Thank you Christine. Thank you