From understanding comes love ~Rumi
My son had a migrane for two days. The second day had worsened so bad we were sent to the ER, mainly because the severe headache along with his increase in his OCD and seeing things and all..well they just wanted to make sure.
This part is raw
this part is real..
the part that makes me feel just awful.
For a few moments..a few hours, I entertained the thoughts...
If it is a tumor that means maybe they can "fix" him. Maybe it's NOT him. Maybe we can just make this all go away.
Maybe they can make the number 5 go away...the number that he hears over and over and over again in his head..or the letter t..
His scans were fine. We were sent home after they gave him some medication to keep him from throwing up, and for the pain...one is used for schizophrenia.
Then I got home and I had two rejection letters waiting for me for 2nd jobs. Not the worst part of my day..but it did not help things any.
I was numb untill today.
Today I am mourning the loss of life as I thought it was going to be. I think I needed to do this.
I am mourning for my son and I see the challanges ahead..and I am rolling twoards acceptance.
Tommorrow I will move on to acceptance...and I will fight the challanges with my son..
today I must tear off the superhero cape
cry like a baby...
eat chocolate ice cream...
scream into my pillow...
and be mad at the world
I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love. Mother Teresa