I think somewhere along the way I was lost...really lost.
As women we do not feel pretty enough, or even whole enough to do the daily tasks of being mother, friend, daughter, coworker...
we just don't feel enough.
I have been working the past few years to figure out why, and I guess along the way that "feeling less than feeling" is starting to fade..but I know it will always try and find it's way out, clawing at my soul to feed it the negative thoughts coming from the past.
There is a song I found..it is a Christan song. I am not into Christianity at all...it left a sour taste in my mouth.
My spirit now resides from the inside out,
but the words...well damn they were good so I thought I would share, I have it playing now, but here are the lyrics..and I though about my friends..who are single moms, who have been abused, who have had their souls ripped from them..and all we want as human, as woman is to feel worthy..and beautiful...
I know I needed a reminder of this when I was 16. I wanted to to leave this world, there was too much pain..I really tried to take my own life.
..but a small fant voice inside said..no..stop...and the road ahead by myself..getting myself through was so difficult.
Sometimes we all need the still small voice inside, or that of a friend, if you are lucky, that says no,stop,enough... let me help you off that ledge
you are worthy, you are enough..let me hold your hand..and start walking down the rough road ahead with you.
So here's to you my friends,
those walking the hard roads,
I can hold your hand because I have been there
you are worthy and beautiful, and who you are is quite enough
(it is a mushy blog tonight..just thinking about the past and a few friends in the present going through dark times)
I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful
My thoughts on 9/01/2010