Hurricane

It is hurricane season...the news tells you to get prepared..just in case.

When I lived in Kansas we had tornado sirens that would go off..to warn you that the shit might hit the fan.

I know..if we tap into it we have an intuition that things might be going bad..I knew it with my job.

Then there are other scenarios...that just happen, no warning sirens, no news flashes they just happen unexpectedly.

In the eye of the hurricane..it is the most amazing thing....the wind stops blowing, the sun shines..and you have a moment to regroup..to look at things that might have been damaged..do some assessment, and hunker down and prepare for the rest best you can.

I am in the eye. It is still, quiet and there is an erie glow in the horizon. Im just waiting to see where the wind blows...

I have this wierd peace..or false sense of peace, not sure...I'm assessing the damage and taking a moment to regroup and try and make it through the next phase.

So this is my quiet..the calm before the storm, or during...not sure just taking it day by day. The world around me is not done spinning yet..

In the meantime..I have love...and no matter which way the wind blows..I have love in my life. My children, my father..my friends. These are the things that will make the storm clean up so much more bearable.

~Almighty Heidi

My Mosiac

Mosaic art became really popular there for awhile. I think when I get older, that will be one of my hobbies..making something beautiful out of the broken.



The past few weeks have been so difficult. Just when I think I have things figured out, or manageable, the glass gets broken into even smaller pieces..even the music in my head seems out of tune..nothing makes sense.


I had found a part time job, to go along with my art time job waiting tables. Together, life would have been tight, but it was something.

I was told I was needed asap, then it went into the next week, and this week, now I might not be needed till September.


Earlier this month I had a "Random Act of Kindness" bestowed upon the old Almighty. A financial gift from a stranger to help pay the rent and my electric this month. Without this help I honestly don't know where I would take my kids to live.

I ate a piece of humble pie, with a side of "I cant believe this is happening" , followed with a big thank you and a sigh of relief. That is just stuff you see on Oprah..not in my life :)

This random act was the glue of hope I needed..so I could put a few pieces of my life back together again. It brings some faith that maybe, just maybe, there will be a soft safe place to land.

Truly I'm not sure what the future is holding.
I signed up for some online classes for the future me, to put her at ease.

The present me is still frightened but full of hope..and my Mosaic is like a kaleidoscope lately,
full of color,
blurring and changing,
clear, then unclear,
then changing again.


I really hate change, I fear change, my world goes in vertigo around it, but here it is like it or not.

I have come to the realization that I don't think I have any control of it.

I can put out resumes, and try and keep life going the way I know how..but the rest of it..waiting for the glue, trying to listen to the silent knowing, that it will all be OK.

Picking up and starting all over..again, and again.

Somehow, something beautiful will be made out of the broken.


Almighty Heidi

The swamp

Here is a clip, it made local news, the job I was let go from...along with all the other employees.

http://www.wftv.com/news/24481678/detail.html

In sleep there is no rest

I dream of alligators ( I live in florida)

all around me,

there is no way out but through

the swamp is thick with mud

and I don't know which way is safe

and I am to afraid to go through

but to stand there

doing nothing is to give up

so I must go through

in faith, that it will all be ok.

But I do know

Sue..my Dad, Captain Makle and his wife Toni.

Jason..ahh Jason..you could just leave now

it is too much ..but you stand by

holding onto the tears

All of you wishing for lotto

:)

Wishing to do more

Terri, Matt, Theresa,

Ed and Gussie, Akaska, Greenfingers, Robin

You are there

to try and lift me up

letting me know I am not alone

to try and keep my soul

away from the alligators

So I pray

to a god I am so unsure of

holding onto the invisable rope

to get me out of the swamp.

Thank you.

Almighty Heidi

(and the children of the almighty Kayla, Nathan, and Michael...and almighty pug dogs..the soul of unconditional love Winston and Cosmo)