Peace Within

I know something is changing inside...when I finally sleep. I have avoided my 5 am workouts for a week and a half, but only because..for the first time in months..I have slept. Falling asleep and staying asleep. I could not mess with that cycle. So for now I think I will use the devils tool of the fregging elliptical that is in the corner of my house staring at me in the evenings. I *HATE* the elliptical, I get a great work out from it though so im gonna try and focus my mind on loving it...nawwww..cant do it.

The second change...well..for the second time since I have lived in this house, I have a tear in my second down comforter that I have bought. Feathers everywhere. I thought I took care of the issues, but must have another rip. Normally I would be making sure it was all off the floor. Last night I had alot to do..and said..screw it. The feathers lay all over my room, have floated into the living room and beyond. Normally this would drive me crazy, espcially living with b..he would not help, just tell me to pick it up... Luckily..I fell asleep early and did not have to hear any of it, I was truly blessed because normally he would wake me up to tell me how unhappy he is with the mess. The universe must have put tape over his mouth last night and said "LET HER SLEEP" I looked at the feathers this morning and smiled...ahh a moment of freedom....I smiled inside too...but if anyone were to enter my house you would think there was a massive bird attack.

The third change..not really a change but an increase..I dream..alot. I have been dreaming everynight..dream after dream. I think my inner self is finally starting to work on some stuff.

Fourth: Remembering what I love. My last post I craved finding beauty. I have downloaded music, cooked what I like, found a favorite bottle of wine..well..it's like treating myself. I have some great herbal tea that I treat myself to reading a good book.

Tonight Im buying some fresh herbs for a recipe I want to cook this weekend..while listening to my music..and drinking my wine..and I will slow down for a moment and enjoy....enjoy turning 36 this weekend that is...I tried fighting it..now well..ya just cant so I'm going with the flow..the wine helps :o)

Latte'

Almight Heidi

Beauty

I find it funny, that I am in such a dark ugly situation, my whole being craves for beauty. I think it is the Ying yang thing of the universe. There has been alot of darkness in words, emotions, and home is no longer that..a place of comfort. So I find myself trying to make comfort of it for awhile longer...with..beauty.

Yesterday and today I listened to my ZEN music which consists of acoustical guitar, or Piano, I have a thing for the Chello...the chello is always so melodramtic, but it has feeling. Music can touch the inner Heidi without uttering a word...

Then my second biggest beauty "weakness" is photograpy (Above is a pic my brother took in Japan a few days ago) and certain art, I do love the messy abstract...it touches the soul and makes emotion in my heart also without uttering a word....

Maybe we need to be a world without words...it might be a prettier place.

Finally..there is my favorite...food porn...I could not let the blog be too serious now could I..

My buddy makes the best food in the world. I scared him half to death the other day looking at a website, the way he jumped out of his chair you would think he was looking at porn..but no..it was a breast though...of a chicken..dripping in some sort of tasty..delicious sauce. Food has it's own beauty...and I think I might have had a mouth orgasim over chicken marsalla once...actually..yes I did..MMMMMM ooohh this is soooo gooood.

We've all done it..don't be ashamed :)

So now we joke, and trade recipies, and I will set up a site for yet another creative outlet ..cooking...and will be called just that..FOOD PORN. love it..i just love it.

(No Maquade I will not be stirring up a batch of marsalla in just an apron)

Untill then...

The Almighty Heidi's search for beauty in darkness goes on...

Self Esteem

I hate pictures..of me. Im trying to get over this self defeating type of thing, but I really do..hate seeing myself...everyone does to an extent, but I..even hate mirrors. It was hard for me to post my pic yesterday. This is not me fishing for compliments, it's an actual issue.

Part of this comes from the ugliness of the B. He is an ugly person inside, and It seeps through his pours onto the people around him, in a very subtle way, that you do not know you just been crapped upon.

The other part is my un..non comfort level in my own body post surgery(s). I used to run. I dream about running, and the high I felt. I cant run anymore. Now that my back is better from my last surgery in June, I can do other things than run, but feel like I am defeating myself in this...going to the gym, and thenmaybe eating bad, or not going to the gym, and eating good. I cant seem to do both. So Im looking at the Heidi inside going..

WTF.!!!!??????

In order to be comfortable in my own skin, I know what has to be done, but keep putting up walls in the way so that I dont get anywhere. WHY ALMIGHTY WHY??

The aliens are speechless. Even they dont know what to say.

If I figure it out I will let you know.

Heidi

Planet Work

I have been a bit tied up recently with work. I am thankful to have a job, but the jobs left these days..well we are doing triple the amount as people are being laid off. It is cumbersome and exausting. Today, however was my first easy day in weeks..and I needed it. This is a picture I took today with my new camera phone. I soo look like I have a bad attitude. *Shake it off Heidi shake it off*

Then there are the teenagers....seriously want to sell em on craigs list...that is a whole other topic. Moms should be given heavy doses of Valium while having children between 13- and 19 years of age. I need to write Obama to see if he will pass a law...making this legal....

So the Almighty Heidi is moving full throttle ahead with her top secret plans. I have just paid off two biggie credit cards so that when I get a place of my own in July I can finacially be ok. This was a big step, and it felt wonderful and liberating.

Big gigantic step number two..umm well..I fornicated..yes the almight is a fornicater...but ya know, I just wanted to feel like a woman again..and...damn...Woohhoooooo.

I like fornification lol...this too..was liberating...and helped me to remember..I still got it.

Finally moving forward, I ave been working out...and that has helped me to keep my sanity..and sleep..ahh sleep is a good thing!!

Bow Chickie Wow Wow

Heidi

The Alien Planet Of Pug

2 Years ago I adopted two dogs. It was one, then I was suckered into fostering another dog, and of course I had to get him too. They are both older dogs.

One was hit A LOT, which pisses me off. It took him a year not to flinch at every movement or sound. He has become very loyal, and will not leave my side. If I am in the bathroom, he is outside it waiting. His name is Cosmo and is 8..which is perfect for my Alien self, and Cosmo is out of this world.

Winston Churchill is my other pug he is 7 and a complete retard. So then again he fits well into my family. He is the only dog that will not come when called, and if you go to pick him up he turns the other way, even though he wants to be picked up. His world is ruled by how much food he can sucker out of the humans in my household. He often wins...no ..always is more like it.

As much as I do not LIKE my job, I feel blessed these days to HAVE one. It is also pretty flexible for kids appointments and what not..and..I got to bring Cosmo to work with me today. He is underneath my feet, snoring contently. I’d bring him every day if I could, I enjoy the company, and dogs really do lower the stress levels. BIG time. I might have to sneak him in more often, The staff loves him.

I never owned a dog until now. I think maybe when I was growing up I should have. The companionship seems to be that much better than a man. HA! Except….hmm big strong arms around me at night..that would be nice, along with the other ..umm..perks… damn, well it sounded good for a second.

I hope everyone has an almighty weekend.

Heidi

Planet Fitness

So if you remember for C
hristmas, B got me a membership to a gym...(not out of the goodness of his heart)
B makes ALOT of money, and has issues with money, and can never seem to keep a grasp of it. So I knew the day would come...My gym membership BOUNCED his bank account (and he got upset at me for it..jackass) This did not bother me, because I knew it was coming, and it made me want to use the gym even more. *evil grin* Karmas a bitch.

I had my five am workout, first this week, I’ve been slacking. It felt good though. Here are a few of the things I noticed today while on the elliptical Machine.


1. The place I go to is called “Planet Fitness” I thought this is a well suited name for my gym, since my blog is “Aliens have Invaded My Brain”. At least they have a place to work out.

2. My rate is cheap, a bit over 20 bucks a month, which makes it an overzealous, over packed gym, and the only time you can work out is at 5 am.

3. When you walk in, there are two sides to the gym. The side to the left is for the “Bouncers”. Seriously..the left side everyone is bounding up and down on the elliptical, or the treadmill. Then on the Right is the “Thug” side. All the guys pumping iron, looking at themselves in the mirror. If and when I get my new phone I’ll sneak a video..It’s REALLY funny looking.

4. Apparently, according to the “Hair cast” today is going to be a BAD hair day. Bummer.

5. On the news, it was announced somebody gave birth..to a kidney. Yes, it is true. Apparently a kidney was pulled out of a lady..through her Va Jay Jay, to transplant into another person. Medicine, pretty soon they will be doing sinus surgery through there too. Well be visiting the OBGYN for an earache…get on the table and spread em.


So I came home, cooked a healthy breakfast, had my coffee, took out the dogs, and life was good, for about 10 minutes.

I guess B heard me cooking breakfast and He sulked like a 2 year old when I did not make him any. We have different schedules, and he is not usually up. B decides that he is too sick to go to work, and as I leave he makes it a point to go into the kitchen looking for food…So he grabs some milk and cereal, glances at me like I’m not the devil for not making him eggs to, then cant find a bowl. Apparently I forgot to start the dishwasher, so he goes for a bowl in there and grabs a dirty one. In disgust he slams it down, slams the dishwasher door closed, and puts AWAY the cereal and milk..because..well In his mind he is too good towash a dish, therefore he will starve?? All 250 lbs of him?? HAHAHAHHAA. What a damn baby....


I actually laughed on the way out to the elevator. It felt good.

Latte’
Almighty Heidi