Look Down

Looking down

She wiggled her toes

This was the moment

she finally realized

it clicked

she was standing on her own two feet

regardless of it all.

and her spirit smiled

as her toes danced.

~Almighty Heidi

I Do

Im not ready to get married anytime soon, in fact the "M" word makes me have to hyperventalate into a bag..I dont like the old marriage vows, or the idea of the old fashioned marriage.

I do not want to be..a Wife.

Wife is the cleaner, cooker,dog walker, provider of sex, and caretake of children and appointments...on top of providing an income on her full time job as well.

I want to be..partner..friend..lover..helper. I know in a relationship there are responsibilities, but I do not want that to define my "role". I dont even like the word role.

So I wrote up I do's..the way I would like to see them..one day..when I dont need a paper bag and xanex.

I Do

Promise to let you breathe

to let you make your own way

I Do promise

that if you change

not to be afraid

but to embrace it and recognize it

as you evolving into the person you are meant to become

I Do promise to say I'm so sorry

when I thought I was so right

and to hold your heart close

if I have hurt you

I do promise to love you

to the very best of my ability

when you are unloveable

understanding that I will have my days

of being unloveable too

I do promise when life just gets too hard

and the bills are piled up

and dogs thrown up on the floor

to find a way back

to the belly laughing

corney joke telling

snort when I laugh

person that I am

(while I ask you

to please clean up the throw up

its been a long day)

I do promise

to open up

and speak my mind fairly

and you yours

and not hold back on my journey

or hold you back on yours

but I will always ask

when I reach for your hand along the way

it will always be there waiting for mine.

~~So I noticed after I wrote this..that I was really writing this to my own self...

Try making your own "I do list"..it's very enlightening

~Almighty Heidi

Go With The Flow

Something..odd..different is happening…a whole new vibe.

Last year I did a lot of cleansing of relationships, people, and myself. I had to work on it, I had to work on it hard and let go.

This year, I wanted to make an all around healthier me…I wanted to last year, but the energy was not there.

Now..It’s just flowing, I can only assume because what my soul is carrying around is lighter.

The word "No" is fluent in my vocabulary..and it is easy for once.

No, I do not have the finances right now, No I do not need that peice of cake, No you cannot cross this line. No No No. I dont feel an internal guilt struggle. I just dont... wow.

The word "Yes" has found it's place as well.

Yes I will take a break and have a cup of zen tea, Yes I will go to bed early because I am tired, yes I will leave the laundry in the dryer... and again..no guilt..zip..zero..nada..none.

I read a lot before bedtime now, and I bought some new body lotion and a candle that I love..I cleaned out my truck and switched out some cd's in it. I also cleaned my office space..well..just because...thats what I wanted to do...not because I had to do it.

Im not sure if it really is a new vibe, or a brain tumor, because I actually enjoy going to the gym now instead of loathing it... hmm.

There is still alot to work on..I will always have things to work on, I never want to stop growing and evolving into the person that I am meant to be.

Untill then, Im going to go with the new flow..and enjoy it.

Blessings

Almighty Heidi

Note To Self

Why is it that we can so easily forgive others, see their beauty..uplift them, give them praise..but to our own selves..my own ...I sell myself short.

Note To Self

Be kind when it's difficult to see the goodness in you

Be patient with you when your lost in your own soul

this is when you are most creative.

Listen to music

she is your muse

Find your beauty

send tenderness to the place

that shuns your reflection

Let love in

and swell your heart

till she she is abundantly full

Never stop hungering for more

and when you do

dont listen to the whispers of self doubt

You will resent the time lost

Hold onto your passion

and she will find her way to you

Allow yourself to wander in dreams

but find

center

a safe place to dwell

Soothe and nurture your soul

when it is hurt and broken

care for it as you would your childrens

Never waver in your heart or mind

when you know the answer

deep in your gut.

And when you dont know..

Love me

Choose me

Pick me

Remember?

What you feel

What you want

What you say

counts too.

~Almighty Heidi

A Good Read!

http://www.sisterspirit3.com/princess%20dani.htm

This is a story I read..im so happy I did, I have another new blog to read! *YaY* I love to read, and this story..is really magical to me...almost like something out of the movies. It's kind of my new muse. It is also tied together the last lines on the poem below about the grandmother.

Thanks Dani for the inspiration! You can find her blog here: http://www.sisterspirit3.com/

~Almighty Heidi

I Am Her

Late night thoughts..

I am her

Daughter
who would not be born
untill her father entered the room
I hope to make you proud

Sister and friend
tell me all your secrets
and I will hold them as precious treasures
as we dream of who we want to become

Mother
who protects her young
the one who would place herself before the gods
without a blink begging
"Take me, not them"
Her who sees their futures soon to be

Woman
Who fiercly gives all her loyalty
and expects the same in return
vulnerably placing her trust
in the warmth of your skin
hoping you will keep it always

Grandmother
who writes in her journal
to her grandchildren
To the woman she hopes that I am
"Remember who you are"

Time too soon passes
I and I know
that I am her

~Almighty Heidi

Dreaming...

What an uber cool way to bring in 2010.
New Years eve night I had the most vivid beautiful dream.

I was in Colorado, visiting my grandmother, then I decide to travel to this familiar place. I had seen it in many dreams before over the years. It was mountain that was flat at the top. I would hike there, then rest.

This time the dream continued on.
I was winding through the mountain roads.

The road I was on was actually cut through the mountain so on my left and right were towers of beautiful rock. It was spring, and life was..just..everywhere.

To my right were these huge white flowers the size of magnolia blossoms..tons of them winding up and down. I stopped and drank from the stream and the water was cool and so pure.

Then I was inside the mountian and there were etchings all allong the wall.
Ancient carvings..beautiful art.
Then I remember standing in front of the most magnificant one.
The etching was over 5 feet tall. It was of just a lions head, mane flowing.
The expression was relaxed, but confident, it's eyes were intuitive and peaceful.

I reached across and touched the stone, I almost did not want to..it was ..like ..holy ground...

I let my hands glide over the creature, the beautiful Lion...

Then I woke up in 2010.

Interesting huh?



Almighty Heidi