The things I have learned from recovery from surgery:
1: When you have children the only 'recovery' time is when they are at school.
2. Just because the house is a mess does not mean that anyone other than you will take the initive to clean it up.
3. Children love recovery because mommy is to drugged up, or hurt to come after them, or make them do anything of benificial use, thus taking advantage of the refigorator, x-box, tv and computer, anything but the vaccum.
4. I belive in giving up children for temporary, or maybe even non temporary adoption at such times, and would likke a consultation with a lawyer.
5. Soma is the best muscle relaxant on the market, and so not ever want to go off of it. I am a self proclaimed addict for the next six weeks, then I have to fo through a diffrent recovery...getting off all the drugs. Bummer.
6. When you have to much time on your hands you will get depressed so it is important to keep your mind busy with something...like blogging.
7. 80 percent of suregons/doctors are dickheads.
8. I think as a woman we are much harder on ourselves, and don't give ourselves the 'ok' to lay on the couch or in bed for the majority of the day after surgery. We feel guilty for doing nothing, then you ponder it all day, thus #6.
9. Pain sucks. I have a tremendous amount of respect for people with debilitating painful conditions on a daily basis. If I were in pain like this for the rest of my life, I think I would jump off the nearest bridge. I really do have a newfound respect.
10. Being a very independent person, it is ard to go back to the most basics of needs...ummm..I want my mommy. :)
11. Isnurances should cover sending you away to a spa at such times, on a tropical island, with all your medications being served with a tropical drink with an umbrella. This of course being served up by your own personal man slave, who will fetch a pillow, food, and offer up massages at any given time needed.
The not so Almighty Heidi at this moment:)
5/16/2006
Stepped on a crack that broke your mothers back???
Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned, it has been over a month since my last entry.
Let me explai. I have had 2 bad disks in my back. In April, after a few months of bliss from a spinal block, the pain started creeping up again. Then one day after going to pick up my sons bike out of the yard, I bent over....and was writhed with a pain that has no words.
Emergency rooms now a days don't care. Twice I had been in, and they give you a few shots in the ass, some pills and send you home without even an MRI.
It turns out while waiting to get enough money up to get an MRI done to meet my insane deductible, I had totally de-sected the disk..it was no longer in between the two bones, ut in the spinal canal, thus the immense pain that everyone thought I was a wus about. My Dr after the surgery said this was the worse disk he had ever seen. They even named it.
The next day my Dr, saw the MRI, shook his head, and sent me for emergency surgery, from which I am now recovering. Two days later my father goes into the hospital where he is the helicoptered over to another hospital for his own emergency surgery. This was suckie for me, because on the selfish side, my mom was to come over for a week and help me fucntion, and I was left all by myself to fend, with what little help I got from the kids. Then I was an emotional messs from all the drugs in the hopital, and finally crashed full force into a black hole when my dad went in to the hospital.
Ever been in a black hole? I am not the depressive type, but everyone has to go there sooner or later in their lives...and I went there.
But, I am back now. I am officially a percocet, and soma junkie, at least for the next six weeks. Recovery is a bitch and I just don't have the patience for it. MY work has been cool, but there is only so long they are going to be that way. At home there is no such thing as 'Recovery"Kids expect you to go back to super mom hood, and the insignifigant other has not lifted a finger to help, other to offer his advise, on how I should be doing things, or how I should be oarenting,and how my life wold be so much better. Shut the hell up, and just get be a fucking pillow.-
Other than that...it's all good:)
Heidi
Let me explai. I have had 2 bad disks in my back. In April, after a few months of bliss from a spinal block, the pain started creeping up again. Then one day after going to pick up my sons bike out of the yard, I bent over....and was writhed with a pain that has no words.
Emergency rooms now a days don't care. Twice I had been in, and they give you a few shots in the ass, some pills and send you home without even an MRI.
It turns out while waiting to get enough money up to get an MRI done to meet my insane deductible, I had totally de-sected the disk..it was no longer in between the two bones, ut in the spinal canal, thus the immense pain that everyone thought I was a wus about. My Dr after the surgery said this was the worse disk he had ever seen. They even named it.
The next day my Dr, saw the MRI, shook his head, and sent me for emergency surgery, from which I am now recovering. Two days later my father goes into the hospital where he is the helicoptered over to another hospital for his own emergency surgery. This was suckie for me, because on the selfish side, my mom was to come over for a week and help me fucntion, and I was left all by myself to fend, with what little help I got from the kids. Then I was an emotional messs from all the drugs in the hopital, and finally crashed full force into a black hole when my dad went in to the hospital.
Ever been in a black hole? I am not the depressive type, but everyone has to go there sooner or later in their lives...and I went there.
But, I am back now. I am officially a percocet, and soma junkie, at least for the next six weeks. Recovery is a bitch and I just don't have the patience for it. MY work has been cool, but there is only so long they are going to be that way. At home there is no such thing as 'Recovery"Kids expect you to go back to super mom hood, and the insignifigant other has not lifted a finger to help, other to offer his advise, on how I should be doing things, or how I should be oarenting,and how my life wold be so much better. Shut the hell up, and just get be a fucking pillow.-
Other than that...it's all good:)
Heidi
4/03/2006
Life with mEnTaL IlLnEsS
Have you ever just stopped doing something....right in it's tracks...just to think...what the hell is the matter with me?
Yesterday was a day long of chores. My moment was vacuuming trying to get that string off the floor. You all know "that string" we have all had one. I used the vaccume to no avail, the string just sticks to the floor. I roll over it again for it to move two inches upward on the carpet, then 2 inches backward as I roll back. Then I am pissed so I roll it back and forth back and forth back and forth really fast. At this point I have whacked the vaccume into a wall and my kids are watching now as I am cursing under my breath and growling. I am not going to pick up a freggin string. Finally my son comes to my rescue, walks over, and picks up the string, giving me a sideway glance, letting me know that I lost. This was my moment of mental illness.
My children decided that they were going to be mentally challenged this weekend as well. I went to the store for 45 minutes and came home. As I am approaching my home I see a neighbor in his car talking in his car pointing at my house. I'm thinking great...the house is on fire. Then I see it. My sons decided that the easiest and most 'fun' way to take the TV out of their sisters room without her knowing it (as she was in another room) was to go out the window. Creative yes...dumb? Absolutely.
The neighbors were looking at my sons ass sticking out the window, and him holding a TV. It looked as though someone was breaking and entering. I was waiting for the cops to show up, as we have a very strict neighborhood watch, and homeowners association. I truly was expecting it as last month my son took his basketball hoop out to the curb and that is not allowed, so one of the other homeowners actually snapped a picture, ans sent a warning letter that if this were ever to happen again, that we would be fined.
To prove my point that mental illness does run in families, my favorite story is of my very blonde daughter. I was out one evening with a new cell phone that was not working properly. She was trying to call and could not get though so she thinks she should call 411 and get the number, since I did not leave it, knowing I always answer my cell. When I came home that evening she tells me the story of not being able to find the number. After being assured everything was ok, they just wanted to know if they could eat all the pizza, I asked what happened to her calling information, that I never got a call. She said that she could not remember the number to 411.
I have never laughed so hard in my life.
This tops it all:)
Almighty Heidi and her not so right kids:)
Yesterday was a day long of chores. My moment was vacuuming trying to get that string off the floor. You all know "that string" we have all had one. I used the vaccume to no avail, the string just sticks to the floor. I roll over it again for it to move two inches upward on the carpet, then 2 inches backward as I roll back. Then I am pissed so I roll it back and forth back and forth back and forth really fast. At this point I have whacked the vaccume into a wall and my kids are watching now as I am cursing under my breath and growling. I am not going to pick up a freggin string. Finally my son comes to my rescue, walks over, and picks up the string, giving me a sideway glance, letting me know that I lost. This was my moment of mental illness.
My children decided that they were going to be mentally challenged this weekend as well. I went to the store for 45 minutes and came home. As I am approaching my home I see a neighbor in his car talking in his car pointing at my house. I'm thinking great...the house is on fire. Then I see it. My sons decided that the easiest and most 'fun' way to take the TV out of their sisters room without her knowing it (as she was in another room) was to go out the window. Creative yes...dumb? Absolutely.
The neighbors were looking at my sons ass sticking out the window, and him holding a TV. It looked as though someone was breaking and entering. I was waiting for the cops to show up, as we have a very strict neighborhood watch, and homeowners association. I truly was expecting it as last month my son took his basketball hoop out to the curb and that is not allowed, so one of the other homeowners actually snapped a picture, ans sent a warning letter that if this were ever to happen again, that we would be fined.
To prove my point that mental illness does run in families, my favorite story is of my very blonde daughter. I was out one evening with a new cell phone that was not working properly. She was trying to call and could not get though so she thinks she should call 411 and get the number, since I did not leave it, knowing I always answer my cell. When I came home that evening she tells me the story of not being able to find the number. After being assured everything was ok, they just wanted to know if they could eat all the pizza, I asked what happened to her calling information, that I never got a call. She said that she could not remember the number to 411.
I have never laughed so hard in my life.
This tops it all:)
Almighty Heidi and her not so right kids:)
3/15/2006
The Alien Gods are Pissed
I am in a foul mood today. My job sucks big gigantic gopher balls lately. Our insurence premiums went up, not to mention we have a HUGE deductible. So basically they might as well take two of my paycheks each month to pay for health insurance. Last night after playing pool, I come out to find I got a big dentin the passengers side door , like someone had kicked it real hard. Spring has sprung, and the newly dented car was covered in a layer of yellow pollen, and now I look like I have been crying all night, but really it is the allergies from all the fucking pollen. Then I woke up this morning, and there is no coffee, and I brushed my teeth with benadryl anti itch cream by accident, I think this was due to the lack of focus from the coffee withdrawl setting in all ready.
It's 9 am, and I think maybe, I should quietly leave work, go home, slip into my favorite tee shirt, and go back to bed.
Not SO Almighty Heidi
It's 9 am, and I think maybe, I should quietly leave work, go home, slip into my favorite tee shirt, and go back to bed.
Not SO Almighty Heidi
3/11/2006
Almighty Heidi's Hangover Remedies
It is a week and a half after my birthday. It has taken me awhile to get over that night. I am finding the OLDER you get, the harder it is to function the next day...or the next...or even the next..In my quest for the best hangover remedies, I have found many superb quotations, two of which were from one of our founding fathers.
There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy- Benjamin Franklin
Now this makes sense, who else in there right mind is going to tie metal to a kite during a lightning storm to see what happens. He had to be drunk of his ass. They don't mention that part in the history books!!
Here are some more fun quotes:
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.
--William Butler Yeates
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin : Ummm yeah, I had that would spinny thing going on, that sucked.
I often sit back and think, "I wish I had done that," and find out later that I already have.
-- Richard Harris: Yup..I did that tooo
I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan : HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!
The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.
-- old Russian proverb This sounds like something my grandfather would say
Ok now that we've had a history lesson, and also we know many famous people love to indulge in the drink as well, I feel as though my drunken stupor during my Birthday was just like a righ of passage, and it is ok to see the ceiling spin while laying on the floor.
The next morning I absolutely had to go to work...that hurt. I remember the night before ordering a sub, and I taked to the sub. I told it to "be kind to me", because "I will throw you up later" leading me to realize, yes, in that moment I knew exactly what I was doing, so there must have been some sanity in the 7 shots of goldschlager.
I got up, had very strong coffee, and went to work wanting to die. The sun hurt, noise hurt, i just wanted to put on some sweat pants and a tee shirt, and climb into the womb of the warm bed I left behind. Not to metion my new friend the ceramic bowl.
This I proved later that day, that I mmust have a game plan for next year....or whatever holiday comes up first, for a hangover remedy. This is what I found on the internet.
- 6 raw almonds before bedtime: So says the Americann Indians. From what I hear they have quite the drinking problem. I can eat almonds just so long as they are chocolate covered.
- Take two teaspoons of primrose oil: NOT. this will bring on the process of puking I would assume.
- African remedy: Peanut butter: I could not imagine throwing this up. Eww.
- Prickly pear cactus extract: Oh yeah, I keep a bottle of this around.
- Bloody Mary: This did surprise me. When you are drinking alot you arpoisoning your body. There is a chemical in alcohol called Congeners, say it with me people: Congeners. Good now lets continue.
These so called Congeners (Along with dehydration) are toxic chemicals made in fermentation. When there are too many in your body, it makes ya real sick.
After a night of binge drinking it is iportant NOT to take ibuprofen or ESPECIALLY ACETAMETAPHIN,because this mixed with the congeners, can cause liver damage. say it again with me so you don'tt die:
I will not take anything for my hangover headache in the form of pain relievers, because it can cause LIVER DAMAGE, and I will have a miserable death because therearen't enough organ donors, and I don't need some poor healthy kids liver that dies in a car accident because I drank too much.
Ok back to the bloody Mary. The saying that you should drink the next morning never sat well with me, but apparently it is true for a scientific reason. Apparently alcohol is adepressantt right?? We have all seen "that guy", you know who he is there is one in every bar, crying and telling everyone that "I love you man..no no I really love you man" This may or may not be the effects of the depressant...I just think it's the feminine side of that man coming out of the closet. Having a drink helps to ease the symptoms of coming off of the depressant, and a bloody mary contains lots of vitamins you body is screaming for. This is only said to be a temporary effect.
However there are no cures for wakig up the next morning and remembering all the things you said drunk. That one you have to face on your own, as I had to do myself. I thought to myself, well, at least I had a great time,
then the flashbacks came, then another, and yet another, and I was cringing saying to myself, oh god..oh no..I did not do that...
On that note, evryone have a happy and safe weekend!!
Heidi
There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy- Benjamin Franklin
Now this makes sense, who else in there right mind is going to tie metal to a kite during a lightning storm to see what happens. He had to be drunk of his ass. They don't mention that part in the history books!!
Here are some more fun quotes:
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.
--William Butler Yeates
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin : Ummm yeah, I had that would spinny thing going on, that sucked.
I often sit back and think, "I wish I had done that," and find out later that I already have.
-- Richard Harris: Yup..I did that tooo
I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan : HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!
The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.
-- old Russian proverb This sounds like something my grandfather would say
Ok now that we've had a history lesson, and also we know many famous people love to indulge in the drink as well, I feel as though my drunken stupor during my Birthday was just like a righ of passage, and it is ok to see the ceiling spin while laying on the floor.
The next morning I absolutely had to go to work...that hurt. I remember the night before ordering a sub, and I taked to the sub. I told it to "be kind to me", because "I will throw you up later" leading me to realize, yes, in that moment I knew exactly what I was doing, so there must have been some sanity in the 7 shots of goldschlager.
I got up, had very strong coffee, and went to work wanting to die. The sun hurt, noise hurt, i just wanted to put on some sweat pants and a tee shirt, and climb into the womb of the warm bed I left behind. Not to metion my new friend the ceramic bowl.
This I proved later that day, that I mmust have a game plan for next year....or whatever holiday comes up first, for a hangover remedy. This is what I found on the internet.
- 6 raw almonds before bedtime: So says the Americann Indians. From what I hear they have quite the drinking problem. I can eat almonds just so long as they are chocolate covered.
- Take two teaspoons of primrose oil: NOT. this will bring on the process of puking I would assume.
- African remedy: Peanut butter: I could not imagine throwing this up. Eww.
- Prickly pear cactus extract: Oh yeah, I keep a bottle of this around.
- Bloody Mary: This did surprise me. When you are drinking alot you arpoisoning your body. There is a chemical in alcohol called Congeners, say it with me people: Congeners. Good now lets continue.
These so called Congeners (Along with dehydration) are toxic chemicals made in fermentation. When there are too many in your body, it makes ya real sick.
After a night of binge drinking it is iportant NOT to take ibuprofen or ESPECIALLY ACETAMETAPHIN,because this mixed with the congeners, can cause liver damage. say it again with me so you don'tt die:
I will not take anything for my hangover headache in the form of pain relievers, because it can cause LIVER DAMAGE, and I will have a miserable death because therearen't enough organ donors, and I don't need some poor healthy kids liver that dies in a car accident because I drank too much.
Ok back to the bloody Mary. The saying that you should drink the next morning never sat well with me, but apparently it is true for a scientific reason. Apparently alcohol is adepressantt right?? We have all seen "that guy", you know who he is there is one in every bar, crying and telling everyone that "I love you man..no no I really love you man" This may or may not be the effects of the depressant...I just think it's the feminine side of that man coming out of the closet. Having a drink helps to ease the symptoms of coming off of the depressant, and a bloody mary contains lots of vitamins you body is screaming for. This is only said to be a temporary effect.
However there are no cures for wakig up the next morning and remembering all the things you said drunk. That one you have to face on your own, as I had to do myself. I thought to myself, well, at least I had a great time,
then the flashbacks came, then another, and yet another, and I was cringing saying to myself, oh god..oh no..I did not do that...
On that note, evryone have a happy and safe weekend!!
Heidi
3/05/2006
Pot Roast Sunday
Today was Pot Roast Sunday. It is pretty much a norm around here, anything you can throw into a crock pot, so you don't have to "cook" is my specialty.
My middle son has been giving me alot of 'attitude' that I must nip in the butt. This weekend he told me he was going to the movies, and did not ask. He told me he was spending the night at his friends, and did not ask. After he was grounded, and found out that this included taking the x box out of his room, his tv, and his radio, and anything that brough him any kind of 'joy' other than a book, he decided to tell me how much I suck.
I was watching a discovery show about dogs. Because they run in packs they look for the dominant male, and if there is none, they assume the authority, and lead the other dogs.
Because of the lack of a dominant male in my household, my son has decided to take on the roll of dominant dog. I have held back the urge to beat my son into realizing I am the dominant 'bitch' (Hehehe female dog get it?) of the home, and proceeded to stand firm and make his life a living hell untill he conforms.
Realizing from the discovery channel there must be an all out fight, to see who the winner is, it is my every intention to win.
I did have a good laugh today as I let him outside for one task today. My daughter is 15 and wants to be a CSI investigator. She was 'pretending' to be one today as she drew my sons outlines with white chalk in the driveway, and took pictures of the "crime scene"
If the neighbors did not know she did this, they might be inclined to belive that I finnally "did in" with my son. It made me laugh.
All in all he is a good pup at heart, he just needs some help finding his way, and
that I still make the rules.
Have a great Sunday.
The bitch..Almighty Heidi.
My middle son has been giving me alot of 'attitude' that I must nip in the butt. This weekend he told me he was going to the movies, and did not ask. He told me he was spending the night at his friends, and did not ask. After he was grounded, and found out that this included taking the x box out of his room, his tv, and his radio, and anything that brough him any kind of 'joy' other than a book, he decided to tell me how much I suck.
I was watching a discovery show about dogs. Because they run in packs they look for the dominant male, and if there is none, they assume the authority, and lead the other dogs.
Because of the lack of a dominant male in my household, my son has decided to take on the roll of dominant dog. I have held back the urge to beat my son into realizing I am the dominant 'bitch' (Hehehe female dog get it?) of the home, and proceeded to stand firm and make his life a living hell untill he conforms.
Realizing from the discovery channel there must be an all out fight, to see who the winner is, it is my every intention to win.
I did have a good laugh today as I let him outside for one task today. My daughter is 15 and wants to be a CSI investigator. She was 'pretending' to be one today as she drew my sons outlines with white chalk in the driveway, and took pictures of the "crime scene"
If the neighbors did not know she did this, they might be inclined to belive that I finnally "did in" with my son. It made me laugh.
All in all he is a good pup at heart, he just needs some help finding his way, and
that I still make the rules.
Have a great Sunday.
The bitch..Almighty Heidi.
3/01/2006
Today is my Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woooooooooohooooooooooooooooo Happy Birthday to Me, happy birthday to me.
I was pretty happy about this, untill the fleeting thought went through my brain that in order for me to have exsistance on this earth, my parents first must have had sexual intercourse. Gross. Then after that my mother was to squeeze me out of the unmentionable parts of her body. GrossER.
More blogs later, but I must go out this evening so I can give you tales of the hungover Heidi at work tommorrow.
Adios!
The Almighty Birthday Girl.
I was pretty happy about this, untill the fleeting thought went through my brain that in order for me to have exsistance on this earth, my parents first must have had sexual intercourse. Gross. Then after that my mother was to squeeze me out of the unmentionable parts of her body. GrossER.
More blogs later, but I must go out this evening so I can give you tales of the hungover Heidi at work tommorrow.
Adios!
The Almighty Birthday Girl.
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